4 x 4, what I am working on right now

[Beany Boo]

It’s also natural to feel hurt and disappointed by that person.

The response you have to overwhelming feelings is a powerful example to others.

Also, don’t assume you can’t be as helpful as you hope to be. That lack of an example may feel limiting but may not limit you in practice.

[manuel_moe_g]

Had a very interesting therapy session, talked about a lot of new topics

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My Voice"

(*)all of this is about my voice

my reactions to primal panic

(*)[resentment turning into passive-aggressive behavior]

(*)eating

(*)sleeping

(*)internet browsing

what I get out of weekly therapy session

(*)let go of resentment

(*)let go of mixed-up thoughts

I have less blow-ups now, compared to the past

what would make me spiral in the past

this feeling: anyone in my position would feel that resentment, or feel the unfairness

(*)a double-standard (myself vs. other people) is unfair

(*)allow/validate the feeling

(*)(*)explore a feeling

(*)the feeling doesn't have the power to take me over forever

(*)(*)feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end

(*)now I am in a position to do something logical, something responsive (instead of reactive)

feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end

(*)feelings don't have the power to take me over forever

hopeless feeling

(*)catastrophic distorted thoughts

(*)our technique

(*)(*)compassion

(*)(*)generosity

(*)(*)(*)best perspective on the situation, most hopeful perspective

(*)(*)(*)benefit of the doubt

(*)(*)non-judgement

(*)(*)(*)situation is solvable or unsolvable

(*)(*)(*)(*)unsolvable [for me, a lot of energy there]

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)look for any evidence, at all, that it is in fact, solvable

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)if truly unsolvable, then we grieve

showing the effect on me, as opposed to just demanding it

connect first, then logic

[manuel_moe_g]

The big one was working on the freedom to feel intense feelings around unfairness and resentment.

You see, in the past, I was easily triggered by intense feelings around unfairness and resentment, and I would spiral out of control negatively.

So I built up a fear of feeling intense feelings around unfairness and resentment. So I would just shut it down immediately.

But now I have the power to just remind myself that feelings have a beginning, a middle, and an end. And that no feeling has the power to take over my total being and my soul.

Now I am in a position to do something logical, something responsive (instead of reactive).

And really grieving over unfairness is an option for me, and it will cleanse me, and I can repeat as needed, and it won't take over my soul.

[Beany Boo]

Feeling more than one feeling at a time is allowed too. As is feeling contradictory feelings in the same space.

It’s also okay to let the world outside you be ‘crazy’; without you being responsible for bringing it into a logical alignment. You can let it happen and just feel compassion for it’s struggle.

If you feel more than one feeling (or experience what is there as several co-present feelings, maybe in layers) then you’re not subject to any of them in an absolute way. They can affect each other in a changing way while you breathe and keep making choices.

[oak]

Yes, Manuel Moe, for it. You’re on the right track.

[manuel_moe_g]

What I am working on this week is pretty simple.

Every positive change I have made in the last 12 months, I remind myself that this is evidence of my emotional courage and my emotional strength.

With repetition, the message will move from my conscious mind to my unconscious mind, and both will be in sync.

Wish me luck!

[Heatherwantspeace]

I agree with everything you said and I wish you a speedy processing!
Heather

[manuel_moe_g]

I have a hangup about the word "strength". I never feel "strong". I perpetually feel like a 5 year old, when it comes to the word "strength".

That is what I hope the repetition will do for me, seep into my subconscious.

You are so kind, Heather, have a great weekend!

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

I think the words "strength" and "perserverance" are often found together, and you certainly *do* have perserverance.

And it *is* a constant struggle to try to practice what we already know, right? Pushing against the encroaching entropy.

And I need to revisit some of my own good advice more often too!

(As in "I knew that yesterday and even posted about it.... so WTF is up with me today? )

[Beany Boo]

I recommend WOOP for the cyclical triggers that you might continuously face and want to redirect/sculpt/augment. WOOP for loops! This podcast gives a helpful run-through. I use it to take my foot off the pedal when the stress response starts to spike. And also to be less afraid of learning when I mistake my curiosity for arousal linked to danger.

WOOP is surprisingly useful for installing little failsafes and boosters in your mental circuit.

After reading your post above, I also did an exercise for myself, where I tried explaining ‘strength‘ to my 5 year old self. Then I tried to get my 5 year old self to explain ‘strength’ to my present day adult self.

Unfortunately, I think you are strong now, whether you like it or not. So it’s difficult to offer you any advice on how to depreciate forces bent on invalidating your strength. But not getting that right is my problem.

I think the repetition effect is a sound plan in any case. I suspect it will work out better and sooner than expected.

https://www.npr.org/2020/08/21/90468057 ... -woop-woop