Double check my moral thinking: staying in.

[brownblob]

Oak,
Nobody sits in judgement of you here but yourself. It is normal to want to do things. It is completely up to you to decide what is best for you. Take care of both your physical and mental health.

[rivergirl]

Hello Oak,

Your mental health & physical health are intertwined, and if you need to ease up some of your ideal Covid rules for yourself in order to protect your health, I wouldn't judge you for that at all. You'll still be the same admirable Oak to me.

rg

[oak]

Thank you Manuel Moe, BrownBlob, and Rivergirl! As always I took so much experience/strength/hope from your kind post.

I am happy to say I am feeling much better. While the experience yesterday was no fun, it was honest, and I got it all out. Thank goodness. There is something to be said for being honest, even if it is "ugly" honesty.

It was a Friday night, I was HALT and unshaven, and I'm at arguably the worst part of a new job, six weeks in: long enough to where I am obligated to return emails and speak with authority, but not long enough to speak with easy confidence.

Sometimes with a moral choice like this the decision is easy and living that decision is hard.

[oak]

Hi friends. Since my most recent post my mental health has gotten... shaky.

It is either:

"I am holding on, but barely." or

"I am barely holding on, but I am holding on."

Which is all one thing, until consequences started: as always, my body knows best: I've had minor jaw pain when eating, until it stopped being minor.

Sharing here is a big first step for me. I'm not sure if I have much of a plan to reduce my stress, and thereby my jaw pain: I am already following my doctor's orders, complying with my medication. I can certainly get outside more days, and move more (tai chi, taekwando) on the 99% of the time I spend indoors.

I am going for a sleep apnea test overnight Friday. (While I felt terror [justifiably, I posit] about catching COVID via the breathing machines, my anxiety has since been assuaged by the professionals.) I can also contact my dentist for a consultation about the jaw pain.

While I hope to have a more complete plan to share here, soon, for tonight here is the best I could do: I took an aspirin, found the energy to do laundry (something of a miracle), and may, without irony, somehow find the courage to do the dishes. I cannot fathom how I will achieve such a monumental task. I cannot comprehend it.