Spoon-broke and saudade.

[oak]

In general, friends, I am doing well, for reasons I'll post about this weekend. But for now:

Thanks to the excellent example of our friend Rivergirl, I have the courage to admit that on Wednesday and especially Thursday nights I am entirely spoon-bankrupt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

Most days I run out of spoons, but spoon-bankrupt is where I'm at.

Here is what is not happening tonight:

Laundry
Dishes
Paying specialist's bill
Paying sleep study bill
Looking for stamps
Vacuuming

Here is what might happen:

Daily dental care (the last trench of my mental health)
Drinking ice water
Watching light-hearted fare on Netflix
Reading my romance novel
Playing a video game

Two things I'm supposed to be ashamed of, but I'll do anyway:

• I will have a brief pity party. I'm in an Edith Piaf-listening sort of mood. Or Cesaria Evora.
  
  Or perhaps saudade is the most accurate.
  
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
  
  I don't speak Portuguese, but nothing is lost in translation.

• Enjoy a "dinner" of seasoned steak fries and steak sauce. I've eaten like a grown up all week. I just want some sensation, even if it is declasse... or especially if it is declasse.

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, Oak.

I envy your ability to write so well, and paint a picture of your inner life.

This week, for me, has been all about "being spoon free", why do I nap so much?

[oak]

Manuel Moe, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Two thoughts for you:

1. I find the following interesting, and it expanded my mind: I saw my spoons in somewhat financial terms of "going broke" and "bankruptcy"; I am fascinated by the idea you mention of being "spoon-free", as if (to probably misquote coding) your number of spoons is null.

2. Regarding sleep: I've struggled with sleep apnea during the pandemic quarantine. I know you've expressed concerns about the frequency of your napping. Did you only start napping at a rate that troubles during the pandemic, or has napping been an issue pre-COVID?

I ask because sleep upset is one of the most common downers of this quarantine.

[manuel_moe_g]

I can tell I am using naps as a way to avoid living my life.

I will rise to this challenge with self-compassion first, using the butterfly-hug.

[Beany Boo]

I speak Brazilian Portuguese although not for a long time. Saudade is a very important word in the culture. In English phonetics it’s a soft sounding word, pronounced like, sou (as in sour) da (as in dark) and dge (as in bridge) with a hint of the ‘e’ at the end.