Neuroatypical Blues...

[manuel_moe_g]

I gots them Neuroatypical Blues...

i know why people rejected me, it is because i gave off the signal that i was too crazy to be around

i am a mad mixture of very unlucky and very lucky indeed, i have probably done as well as possible will my messed up brain chemistry and dysfunctional upbringing

but now what? what do i do with the years that i have left before i kick off this blue marble?

it is such a struggle to live my best life, a constant challenge

surprisingly i am not alone

you guys are alright! a small community, but a wonderful community nonetheless

please take care, guys!

[oak]

Yes, we and I accept you just as you are, Manuel Moe. We wouldn't want you any other way.

Also, as a nuerotypical person, I can affirm that at least we are having this conversation now. Other than the regrettable "Rain Man", I don't remember any discussion of neuroatypcicity until the naughty aughties. It was very much invisible, and pushed down, like everything else in our deeply sick society in the 80s and 90s.

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

Why do we have to "do" anything, as if it's an obligation or burden? (Am I reading too much into your post?)

That's been my problem for a long time, I think. Comparing myself to others.... having this vague sense that I'm not *doing* enough.... or that I should be *doing* something else.... it's a real mental burden.

But the fact that you're self-aware, and seeking to do (Be!) the best you can is a real measure of success, I think.

SD

[manuel_moe_g]

that is a good point, SnoringDog

i am scared to death not to lead my best life

because i was suicidal when my life was empty and hopeless

i guess it is a form of all or nothing thinking, either i am leading my best life, or my life is empty and hopeless, with no possibility of anything in between

but the reality is that i am scared

but also i see "living my best life" as an internal measure of success

what do you guys think?

[troebia]

i guess it is a form of all or nothing thinking, either i am leading my best life, or my life is empty and hopeless, with no possibility of anything in between

Manuel, lately I've been skimming through some of Emil Cioran's works and also reading some articles on his work. According to Cioran, a perfect and successful person is sterile and boring. He seems to say that it's the imperfections and regrets that make us human. Because of this, we should accept failure as being a totally necessary part of a full life.

And when you think about it, all of life is imperfection and loss. Plants make infinitely more seeds than those that actually germinate.

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, in my habitual ways, the first thing to go is self-compassion. I should say "live my best life, compatible with self-compassion (i refuse to beat myself up for the inevitable mistakes and failures along the way)"

[techchick]

This little community has become super important to me too. There's a lot of love and wisdom here even though we struggle mightily.