My Mom's Health

[rivergirl]

I'm sorry to throw this out there right now, but my mom's health has been very shaky the past month and in the middle of the night she had chest pains etc. last night. It's still very difficult to communicate with my brother about her health or anything else.

I feel like a lot of this is my fault. If I would have taken better care of my mental and physical health in the past then maybe I wouldn't have developed such severe anxiety/depression which may have made my brother and his wife distance themselves from me.

My self recriminations are intense this morning. Trying to convince myself that all I need to do is just try to get through this one day.

Thanks for listening.

[oak]

RiverGirl, hi.

Thanks for getting this all out.

How are you feeling since posting this? Any better?

[rivergirl]

I was able to talk to my brother and it went okay. He's taking my mom to see her doctor on Tuesday and now he's more aware of the situation last night. The conversation was pleasant, not argumentative.

A lot of my feelings are a selfish fear of what will happen to me when my mom is gone. I'm not sure how I"ll bear it.

It did help a bit to write this out, and I'm so grateful for your reply, Oak.

[oak]

Very good, RiverGirl.

This is a difficult situation. And you’ve done all you can for now/today.

Hang in there and keep us posted.

[snoringdog]

My self recriminations are intense this morning. Trying to convince myself that all I need to do is just try to get through this one day.

A familiar struggle.

Sometimes getting through the day is all we can do...

A lot of my feelings are a selfish fear of what will happen to me when my mom is gone. I'm not sure how I"ll bear it.

If you ever feel like elaborating on this, you'll have a sympathetic ear.
(Both of my parents are gone already, and the situation was a bit different, but...)

I'm not sure how I'll bear it

Is this something you've thought about discussing with her?
I think you're pretty close, aren't you?

It's a difficult thing, to be sure...

Wishing you some peace.

Sd

[rivergirl]

Thank you for the kind replies, Oak and snoringdog.

I'm sorry you're as familiar with this struggle as I know you are, SD.

I was able to get through the day, take care of my mom, get our groceries, and get ready for work tomorrow. I can't say I didn't feel like I wanted to give up during some of those activities, but I made it through.

I have talked to my mom about my feelings. I don't think there will be anything left unsaid between us when she passes.

I may write more about this later. It probably isn't just about my mom, but about the cumulative losses.

Thanks again.

[snoringdog]

I have talked to my mom about my feelings. I don't think there will be anything left unsaid between us when she passes.

That is so good.

There's nothing worse than being tormented by "What I should have said, What I could have said, What could have been".

[oak]

RiverGirl!

I hope your mothers day is going okay.

I also hope your vision/migraines are much better.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Oak!

Waiting to see if my mom feels up to company this afternoon so my brother & his family can visit. I feel really sad this morning, but am also okay, if that makes sense.

I hope you’re having a tolerable Mother’s Day. I assume you’ve elected not to see your mom? If so it’s completely understandable.

I hope your barre class goes well today. I consider it an unqualified success if you continue to do barre, regardless of your level.

Rg