Bookend of my week: May 8 to 16, by categories.

[oak]

Hi friends.

If you'll indulge me, I'd like to bookend about my upcoming week.

Specifically by category:

1. Work projects.
2. Appointments (car operating system update, and dietician).
3. Barre prep.
4. Cleaning apartment.
5a. Frank assessment of job search/building professional skills.
5b. Mourning my summer 2023.
6. Plans for fun this week.

I'll post more about specifics for each category, but for now all I can do is admit I am scared to face this week. At least I am getting this out, here.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Oak, can you flesh this one out "5b. Mourning my summer 2023". I am a little confused

please take care, wishing you the very best

[oak]

Manuel Moe, great to hear from you. I hope your week is off to a good start.

Hello Oak, can you flesh this one out "5b. Mourning my summer 2023". I am a little confused

Well said, Manuel Moe, since we* are still in spring 2023:

1. I was hoping, by this time in 2023, to be:
a) working remotely
b) earning a living wage
c) enjoying these newfound resources to have fun this upcoming summer

2. While survived a midlife crisis, my timeline was put back by about six months, ergo...

3. I am mourning the summer I could have had in the coming months.

That said

While there is use in anticipatory grieving what could have been, I believe it is just as important for me to mitigate my summer sorrow, and have what good experiences I can, considering my circumstance.

Said another way

Rather than stuffing emotions down, I will fully experience them this week, and ask myself how I can use this anticipatory grief to improve my near future where possible.

This stuff is difficult to face.


*We are in spring, except for our good friend Mental Fairy.

[manuel_moe_g]

So smart to grieve, make time & space to grieve

It is hard for me to “do” big emotions, maybe side effect of the pharmaceuticals I am on (or maybe I can’t blame it on that)

Please take care, Oak

[oak]

So smart to grieve, make time & space to grieve

Well said, Manuel Moe:

At least for me, it seems like anxiety/grief are the flip side of the coin of fire/taking action.

Said another way: once I admitted, here in this forum, that I am already grieving my upcoming summer, I found a new fire, a new energy to start taking action today.

It is hard for me to “do” big emotions, maybe side effect of the pharmaceuticals I am on (or maybe I can’t blame it on that)

These emotions are too big and too difficult to do.

Here is how I handle difficult ideas:

1. If my conscience bothers me several times, in one day, to consider something, then I (usually) consider the scary thought.

2. I face it with the lowest of standards of "success", and plan the easiest escape plan if anything goes wrong.

Like most things in life, a meme explains it best:

https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/wpxblf/we_all_have_to_start_somewhere/

[oak]

Friends!

I am taking a day off, just because, for the first time in months. Perhaps close to a year. I should do this more often.

See if you can follow, my dear friends, the needle I am trying to thread:

Long term and medium term, I fully recognize that I have considerable difficulties, that will require considerable change in my daily habits.

Short term, I am anxious/nervous about getting my car serviced and the dietician appointment. (Both are reasonable anxieties.)

Yet today, I am just being.

I am playing video games, listening to podcasts, and enjoying homemade tacos from the slow cooker (well, the filling, that is).

Maybe that is what makes me human:

The simple beauty and power of a can of diced tomatoes and beef and salt and heat and time.

Lots of men have more money than me, but I'm not sure any are richer.

[Mental Fairy]

Ya never see a hearse towing a trailer Oak. The fact you can see change and progress is being made makes you far richer than anyone else I know.

[oak]

Ya never see a hearse towing a trailer Oak. The fact you can see change and progress is being made makes you far richer than anyone else I know.

Awww, thank you< Mental Fairy!

Bookend 1.5 of 2

Today I took direct action, faced anxiety regarding, and communicated regarding:

Nutrition
Transportation
My work performance
My living situation

I didn't shirk my dietician appointment, getting my car's recall completed, my weekly work supervision, or chatting up my apartment complex manager.

Much like (sincerely!) my tacos, these are simple things that are satisfying.

This anxiety and the flip side of the same coin is non-anxiety. A simple but deep feeling of satisfaction.

All of the people I interacted with were grown ups: kind, focused on how we can help each, and moving on. Again, satisfying.

I have several issues (seven, in fact) to face this summer, that I'll post about momentarily.

But for now I'm glad we can share in this weeklong journey.

[oak]

Bookend 2 of 2

05/16/2023

Friends, the week went surprisingly well, even though I accomplished few of my stated goals:

1. Work project: I need to work on that this afternoon.
2. Appointments (car operating system update, and dietician): these went great.
3. Barre prep: I discussed this with my mental health counselor today.
4. Cleaning apartment: I got a few things done.
5a. Frank assessment of job search/building professional skills: I discussed this with my mental health counselor today.
5b. Mourning my summer 2023: I discussed this with my mental health counselor today.
6. Plans for fun this week: I had some fun this week.

Thank you for standing by me!

[Mental Fairy]

Making progress my friend. That’s what it is about.