where i am at right now, seems to be working

[manuel_moe_g]

"my ADHD makes me strive for a lot of goals, and make a lot of promises, and sign up for a lot of responsibilities"

"my ADHD and my treatment-resistant depression make it so my capabilities to deliver on all of those is very limited"

"my tasks outstrip my ability to perform on those tasks, and my to-do-task-list is growing faster than my ability to strike things off that list by accomplishing tasks"

"if i don't completely give up on life and give up on myself, my only alternative is to work as best i can, in a self-compassionate way and in a sustainable way"

"if optimizing for the short-term - i would just lie on couch and scroll on my devices - no pain, no bad thoughts/feelings, no stress, but at a sickening cost of a horrible future"

"if optimizing for my biggest dreams/goals, the work i would do would (at this moment) be accompanied with pain, bad thoughts/feelings, and stress. maybe the future will mean less pain, less bad-thoughts/feelings, and less stress, but there will always be some amount of pain, bad-thoughts/feelings, and stress"

"sit with that, soak in the reality of those true facts, then make a choice about what i will do for a time limited basis, and stick with that choice for a limited time that is initially agreed upon, and know right now, where i am at right now, that time period will probably be quite short"

"use the Pomodoro technique, but with longer rest/relaxation/recreation breaks than usually prescribed, enough breaktime so my effort over time is really sustainable"

"it could be 25 minutes of work followed by 45 minutes of breaktime, it could be 25 minutes of work followed by 90 minutes of breaktime - we don't care about anyone trying to shame us, we do what we can sustain"

"otherwise, the alternative would be doing absolutely nothing, or just having a short burst of heavy work followed by collapse followed by doing absolutely nothing so that all gains from the burst are erased"

"now, realizing this is not a magic bullet, there are no magic bullets, i will still have off days, and my best days will still have effort that is painful, there is no avoiding this"

"if you don't like the life of ADHD and treatment-resistant depression, then, go ahead, ride the karmic wheel again, but i don't recommend it!"

"my best days in the future will resemble my average days of the past, just with a little more work packed inside of them, just with a few rough edges smoothed over"

"it is all based on me really choosing on short-term pain, bad-thoughts/feelings, and stress, for a time limited amount, and making that choice repeatedly during the day, day after day - nothing remarkable, and totally do-able and sustainable - because nobody and nothing is coming to save me"

"sit with that, soak in the reality of those true facts"

"grab the brightest thread that represents your best future and hold on tight - a gift you give yourself every day"

[troebia]

my capabilities to deliver

Hi MM, I'm glad you seem to be approaching some kind of equilibrium... long-term sustainability at one's own pace.

Lately there has been more and more news of the bond between effort and expectation breaking globally, with for example many millions of young Chinese doing what is called "laying flat". They will only do the absolute minimum for existence since their dreams of qualified work, having children and independent housing are shattered. The competition has become completely savage there. Some are now escaping the mega cities and returning to the villages of their grandparents, for a simpler life. The government is desperate to prevent this because it means the economy will implode. On the flip side, happiness may explode

[Mental Fairy]

MM I found your post incredibly powerful, you have clearly made some great progress. Gives me the warm fuzzies