manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑July 26th, 2024, 8:27 am
Wife is foul-mouthed and verbally abusive.
Manny, after reading your series of posts, if she has zero respect for your wish to have calm conversations about your relationship, things are really dire. I think many (most?) long-term relationships are in a sort of tense armistice. My wife knows about my hard "nos" and I know about hers, and any strategic movements on our respective sides are carried out discreetly. Seemingly innocuous remarks can be feelers sent out to scout the terrain. There is mutual affection but also a power balance and each has their own responsibilities.
This female youtuber https://m.youtube.com/@YourWingmam has lots to say about what happens in a straight relationship if the woman is allowed to "put your balls in her purse". According to her, never, ever let a woman feel she is the primary (or indeed sole) decision maker and that she has the main initiative. As a man, always, always anticipate, make unexpected chess moves and do not ask permission for every single thing. The more positively affirmative and protective the man acts, the more feminine and supportive the woman becomes because she yearns to feel protected and safe. We're talking paleolithics here, and our brains basically haven't changed since.
I would also like to comment on how a diagnosis of some letter combination like ADHD can become a sort of crutch or a self-fulfilling curse. Lately there's been a lot of talk about how the majority of "sane" people continually drift in and out of conditions that a psychiatrist would jump on. But these undiagnosed people, instead of reasoning "I feel like this because the doctor said I have (say) PTSD and now I should see everything through this filter to protect me" they simply say "shit, I'm going to do X or Y to get out of this rut".