YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

When your psyche detects evidence of a listening ear it goes into purge-level communication mode. It wants to get more out than words can keep up with; hence the nightmares and panic. It’s a natural reaction that nobody thinks to warn you about. There’s no secret to sticking the landing. Just bumble your way through; wing it as best you can. This would be difficult for anyone.

Oak, just popping in to say I see you, and hope you're well. I'm going to echo the advice going around to all of us here right now, the fact that you are keeping on is wonderful and enough in these times.
Heather

Hi friends. Thanks again for all of your advice and encouragement. It has been a big help!

You may not be surprised to hear that since I unburdened myself to my counselor (who was kind and accepting), I've settled into something of a funk. Not depression or grief, my usual companions, but a certain emptiness.

Perhaps the dojang is an analogy to my confessions and unburdening, mentally:

I got all the old, big, outdated, heavy, ragged unwanted furniture out with professional help, movers in this case.

Pleased with myself, I initially enjoyed the reclaimed space. Over the next few days and weeks, new clutter accumulated without me noticing.

Now, while the clutter is different, it is no cleaner than before. I am just out effort and, were I to be honest, hope.

take care, friend. praying for you.

With clutter, do one thing when you think of it. For example, put one thing away. Do that for a couple of months. Putting one thing away is within your capacity and might form a habit. New habits might form around that habit. Separating into piles works the same way. You haven’t failed, you’ve started.

The emptiness is probably how you’re actually feeling. Maybe you’ve been running on empty. You don’t have to fill up just to escape the emptiness. Convalesce. Acclimate. There might be a neuro pathway that triggers hopelessness when you feel empty. That may seem logical intellectually. But you can mess with it, without having to fake anything.

Rest, tolerate, partially complete, complete in half-baked circumstances, accept failure but don’t anticipate it.

You’re not in trouble just because you’re not sure what to do next.

Hello Oak,

You may feel empty at the moment, but that's not how you come across in all your posts!

I think about things like back pain. When it's there, it's all you can think about, but when it's gone, you have a hard time imagining what it was like, and you feel kinda "numb" (in a good way) in comparison....

So give yourself a break and a rest. And don't worry about the clutter, it's just goes with our "hunter-gatherer" heritage, no?

Life - A constant struggle against Entropy

A few good points here;

https://jamesclear.com/entropy

@Manuel Moe: thank you for standing by me!

@Snoring Dog: thank you for the encouragement, and for the link. He even mentions messy rooms!

@Beany Boo: thank you. It is such a treasure to have you here. You have such a fine mind: I was really comforted by you connecting various kinds of emptiness. In honor of you, before class today I am going to practice taeguk il jang in my perfectly imperfect dojang.

Two thoughts:

1. "What is a dojang, really?"

I don't mean this in the freshman dorm, [undergrad institution] 3 am conversation sense. I mean: what do I want out of my dojang?

I want to practice my poomsae (katas/forms). However, if I make up a rule that the dojang has to be "clean" before I practice them, then I am off the hook! Cognitive dissonance avoided!

But I am not doing the one thing I most want to do: practice my poomsae. Hmmmm.

Who would have thought that avoiding cognitive dissonance would only hurt myself?

2. For all I've been through in my life, this is the first global pandemic I've survived.

Perhaps I should be a whole lot easier on myself.

Just remember that, you don’t have to ever clear up or control the mess. You’re just temporarily inserting small clean spaces into it.

Clutter in the dojang is sort of advanced too; like Mr Miyagi practicing his kick standing on a post in the ocean.

Hi Oak,
A little late with my thoughts here, but when I read about the "new" clutter, I had thoughts along the same lines as Beany Boo. It's not the clutter, it's the emptiness.
So let there be some clutter so the emptiness is not overwhelming.
Wax on Wax off
Heather

Thanks Beany Boo and Heather! Your insights helped me take steps:

1. I mentally sorted the clutter into categories, then de-cluttered several categories.

2. I moved the couch and TV to one of my big room, leaving 2/3 of the area for the future dojang.

3. I listlessly pushed the clutter in the dojang area to the side with my foot. There isn't any less clutter, it gave me a little hope to complete the project: I could almost do a poomsae (form) with the space created.

Oftentimes it is just a matter of taking just enough action until hope kicks in.