to-do lists and procrastination, other topics

[manuel_moe_g]

(interesting to notice the changes made during the typing during the therapy session)

"Balance, Priority, Consequence, Courage, Compassion, Celebrations"

my mantra: "Balance, Priority, Consequence, Courage, Compassion, Celebrations"

part of my procrastination -> i am on the ADHD spectrum, i am trying to manage this without additional medication

part of my procrastination -> primal panic

like an alcoholic, day by day, but actually hour by hour, minute by minute

perfection is not to be expected, be compassionate to myself

when knocked down, get up again, that is the spirit

Mark Twain: “If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!” - the theory is to do your most anxiety-giving task first thing - a tool against procrastination

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Balance - balancing types of tasks, balancing work vs recreation, balancing anxiety vs avoiding-anxiety, balancing short-term goals vs long-term goals

(when out of balance - in procrastination, overly in recreation, overly in avoiding-anxiety, overly in short-term goals)

Priority - scheduling chunks of work in sequence to leave no urgent or important task totally behind

Consequence - present-time-me doing right by future-me

Courage (risking) - just jumping into the pool of anxiety, just jumping into the pool of even some pain, bravery to stand up to primal panic and things heavy with negative emotion

Compassion - when don't do things perfectly

Celebrations (gratitude) - celebrating when actually do the difficult stuff, when do a chunk, celebrate even the work of the mantra itself

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repeat the mantra to myself over and over

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jumping into a chilly pool - tension in the body but jump in anyway - shock of cold at first, but eventually acclimate

itchy scalp - itchy scalp feeling on the chest and belly

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[current habitual belief] i won't make it, and i am a bad person for it

[substitute positive belief] i love action, doing action is irresistible to me, the end result "it is what it is", and i am a good person no matter what happens

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Junior high school Manuel - who represents my perfectionism, my hands on his shoulders, bring his anxious energy down, and the substitute positive belief

[oak]

itchy scalp - itchy scalp feeling on the chest and belly

This is especially important. Keep us posted. I'll look forward to updates regarding mind-body outcomes with interest.

[Beany Boo]

[current habitual belief] i won't make it, and i am a bad person for it

[substitute positive belief] i love action, doing action is irresistible to me, the end result "it is what it is", and i am a good person no matter what happens

Wow! That’s an amazing one.

You probably are a good person but that’s nobody’s business but your’s.

And the thing that defines your actions is whether everyone (including you) can allow you to be ready first before you take each one. And, if they allow you to finish without interrupting or wandering off.

I guess that’s a matter of practice; trial and error.

But you’re right; even if you’re not afforded that space every time, to act in the way you need to - and be seen - you’re still always already, a good person.

Especially on the inside

[manuel_moe_g]

you’re still always already, a good person

Thanks Beany, I really, really want to sit with your nice words, but my habit in life is to brush it off. Someday I will really sit and soak in the nice words.

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key moments in today's therapy session...

"i possess energy and i use energy"

"grateful not just doing nothing - making good use of what energy i have"

"the feeling of the stiff wind at your back while you are striving forward while the sun shining strongly"

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This week's five word mantra: brightness, progress, gratitude, consequence, action

brightness - the sunshine ahead

progress - progress not perfection

gratitude - gratitude is a friend who is always there

consequence - i am talking about POSITIVE consequence (have a habit of always focusing on negative consequence, but no more!)

action - i am inert no more!

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a lot more to say, but this is enough for now...

[oak]

Very good, Manuel Moe. Thank you for sharing.

It sounds like you have a good therapist.

[Mental Fairy]

Wow powerful stuff spilling out here. Lots to get the head around.

Learning to not focus on a trauma or a situation you can’t change is difficult.
Perfection is unreachable. As I don’t think it can exist?
I assume perfection or trying to achieve that is control. Linked to not having it in the past?
I’m still in my training pants here so learning along the way.
Manuel moe you really are on a path of discovery as we all are. Does make me wonder if that makes as all the more superior to the people who bury there heads in the sand and don’t believe this journey is of any value to learn about ourselves and others.

I was listening to mental health happy hour a few weeks ago and listening to a speaker in such pain and could tell just by his voice and the way he pictured himself that maybe he was suffering more than he let on. Only to find he died of suicide not long after. I cried so much and felt a pressure on my soul to get this journey on the road to recovery as at times I recognised similar traits in myself. It hurt. And I really can’t explain why.

Keep up the good work.

[snoringdog]

I was listening to mental health happy hour a few weeks ago and listening to a speaker in such pain and could tell just by his voice and the way he pictured himself that maybe he was suffering more than he let on. Only to find he died of suicide not long after. I cried so much and felt a pressure on my soul to get this journey on the road to recovery as at times I recognized similar traits in myself. It hurt. And I really can’t explain why.

Hello Mental Fairy,

Yes, that's the thing. When we're deep in it, and can't see a way out, and the weight and pain seems relentless, death seems like it should be a relief.

But from the outside, we see someone in pain and we naturally want to help. And the distance we have, being "the other" prevents us from fully understanding the depths of pain and frustration the person is feeling. But it *shouldn't* be that hard for them to pull out of it, we tell ourselves, should it?

It's like severe back pain if you've had it. When you can barely stand, and even reaching to grasp a piece of paper seems too much, it becomes your whole world. Telescoping inward. But when it's gone, it's just a vague memory, hard to conjure up. Just a few thoughts....

I'm sorry you're hurting. You are a good person.

Life is so sad. Gotta keep moving....

SD

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, everyone.

You are precious, it is obvious to <other> people who are really paying attention

Soak in the good words from <others>

(Easier said than done)

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

Yes unfortunately had spinal surgery 1999 L4 L5 S1 and that pain was very disarming.

Back in 2015 i sat on the bottom of my stairs at such a loss to how I could make myself better knowing I had a battle ahead with removal of left boob, bowel and thyroid. Being told your possibly next on the family tree to pop your clogs I felt it would be better to remove myself before the disease took hold. Seeing mum in her final days and watching her battle if suicide would be easier than the cancer destroying her it was like trying to smash a concrete wall down with the guilt of leaving us before 50.

Holding her the night she died and watching her bleed out such massive amounts of blood and bodily fluids and not having the law passed here yet to dose up on morphine, I watched what I can only recall as pure evil. Begging her to stop breathing and asking her to just die took it’s toll. Explaining the details to therapist two days ago was so terrifying. His face drained of colour and explanation wasn’t necessary. Living with those last three hours of her life in my head day after day is just hell. Now I must learn to let go. Learn to say goodbye to this recalled memory and once upon a time I would of happily stepped aside and let the mental health take over. But not today, I hope not tomorrow but from time to time I will have the urge. I just hope I’m alert enough to acknowledge it’s not the the easy way out that’s the best way out. Face it head on and deal with emotions is key for me.

To stand on the garage steps and take that last breath only to have my husband come home. If he didn’t come home then I wouldn’t be here today.

Thank you, think it’s time for a bubble bath!

[manuel_moe_g]

To stand on the garage steps and take that last breath only to have my husband come home. If he didn’t come home then I wouldn’t be here today.

Again, everyone take care. You guys are my friends and brothers and sisters and you are precious. True and plain as day.