YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Sunday avo, middle of summer storm

rivergirl wrote: ↑January 7th, 2023, 6:29 pmYet to be fair, actions I've taken which exacerbated my loneliness, such as avoidant behavior, at the time felt crucial to my survival.

OMG, I’m right there with you.

My mom's cat has joined me on my bed and is stretched out so that nearly the entire length of his body is against my leg. It is comforting and reminds me that what I need is fairly basic. I'm an animal who seeks the comfort of other animals, to know that I am not alone and to keep me grounded so that I know that I'm still real.

An astute observation. Animals are such a comfort. Our previous dog Molly was a beagle-lab mix and a real snuggler. She would snore too, which was so amusing and comforting. How can there be anything wrong in the world when you have a snoring dog or a purring cat on your lap?

: RiverGirl, I’m glad things are going a little better, and hope that Sunday is a little better still.

And thank you for the kind words

Thank you for the lovely photo of Maize, MF. I understand not being able to find a feeling of home. And it must be difficult providing home for your son when you can't feel at home yourself.

And I'm sorry you lost your snoring Molly, SD. She sounds like a great comfort.

I'm sorry to mention this, but I'm in a rough mental place again today, with ideation of needing to permanently escape.

My last hope I'm able to feel seems to be in finding a partner. I'm making plans to start online dating again, but just looking at profiles today makes me feel even more lost. I know that the profiles don't always reflect reality, but the men in them mostly seem to have good lives already, and established lives, and I can't picture who I would fit with, where I would fit.

Can I ask what kind of a man turns your head Rivergirl?

Character traits? Hobbies?

I never played the field as they say! It’s come so close to divorce with Joe a couple of times but both due to my endless desire to run for the hills!!

I hope we can provide you with comfort that we are here to help out.

RiverGirl, thank you for sharing.

I’m sorry things were so difficult earlier today.

I hope things have gotten better in the meantime.

Keep us posted.

It seems like a good amount of time between now and the conclusion of that last foray which, although fraught was managed well I thought.

I guess I have three questions:

1. On a percentage scale, to what extent does this new step feel like returning to the ‘original trauma’? What percentage of it feels like entering a situation that might be easier to trust?

2. What are the lessons from the last relationship? How do they change the approach in the lead up to this next relationship?

3. Is there still the (I can’t remember what it’s called) mental health first aid list? Does it need editing or redistributing?

Let me also say that I would likely be feeling a lot of resentment at this juncture. And I would find it hard to focus amidst the struggle to process that resentment.

(Not an expert, just pathologically nosy)

Hello Rivergirl,

May I give you a little encouragement?

but just looking at profiles today makes me feel even more lost. I know that the profiles don't always reflect reality, but the men in them mostly seem to have good lives already, and established lives, and I can't picture who I would fit with, where I would fit.

You've done this before and read through all the various postings. I can't imagine that they're radically different now - it's just your own feelings of worth that have shifted in the moment that are coloring your perceptions.

Men are looking for companionship and a partner, and you seem like a warm and interesting person.

seem to have good lives already, and established lives,

Yes, but they're looking to share them with someone too - that's why they're posting.

I can't picture who I would fit with, where I would fit.

Try not to think too far ahead, just take things a step at a time.

I've had no experience with online dating, and I'm sure it's stressful. But again, you've done this before, and have had some measure of success, so don't underestimate yourself!

Take care of yourself. You are a worthy person.