therapy session 01-17-2023

[Mental Fairy]

Absolutely MM, dam do I stand by you on that. Joe must have a bloody thick skin to stay with me. Even through the ugly bits!

This Sunday just been I noted Mazie wasn’t feeling well, he stayed home all day with me in case she needed to go to the vet. Finally about 4pm she got up this enormous fur ball after much trying and he rushed and got her towels, bowels of water and even put on a cat tv thing on you tube to relax her.

We brush her three times a day as she’s got a lot of fur and body mass! As soon as she felt better she started licking away again and I turned to him and said ‘I wish I could lick her fur so she didn’t get fur balls, but maybe not the bum’. Joe laughed and said it’s moments like that that save a marriage! Laughter. When I saw him grabbing the water bowls and getting towels I felt so happy.

I understand your commitment MM

[manuel_moe_g]

spoke to therapist about my wife being verbally abusive towards me during today's, Tuesday Jan 24 2023, session

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i don't enter into matching abuse, which i like - definitely don't react back in kind

i repeat back what she says in less inflammatory wording so that i keep the lines of communication open

but there is some hurt there

[oak]

I'm glad you got it all out, Manuel Moe.

Also, I am glad you are now using the word "abuse".

Any of us, starting with me (like in my current work situation) can end up in a situation that is totally broken, without realizing it. We ask ourselves: "How did I get here?"

You are not alone.

And please, be wary of the cycle of abuse. Immediate action is indicated when objects are thrown or broken, or animals hurt.

[Mental Fairy]

Manuel Moe, this is good work in therapy. Something I never touched on as I didn’t focus on the marriage stuff other than the fact therapist did meet Joe and I was terrified! He thinks Joes a saint! I think he’s mad!

I like how you say it back in her own words. It is an interesting approach. As soon as I sense conflict on the horizon I either hide away somewhere or go for the jugular. Sadly neither way is effective and he seems to think I’m the crazy one!

I think we have come to a point where there is very little energy to battle. We get to the point where I just want to walk away and disappear at times.

I however witnessed emotional abuse with my two neighbours the other day and I was horrified at how the man took it. She belittled him and was so mean. I had to walk away. It was so toxic.

You’re making great progress Manuel Moe. Far stronger than I on that department.

[oak]

You’re making great progress Manuel Moe.

Word, Mental Fairy.

We are standing right beside you, Manuel Moe.

[manuel_moe_g]

i must be brave to talk to my wife about this subject directly

clear, direct communication is the important thing, it is not important having a strong attachment to only a specific outcome of the communication, i will try to enter the headspace of accepting whatever the outcome of the communication, and then acting rationally with my highest values and goals in mind

[Mental Fairy]

compassion is needed MM

[oak]

compassion is needed MM

Word, Mental Fairy. Well said.

We “Stan” you (as the kids say), Manuel Moe.

We and I send experience/strength/hope.

[rivergirl]

Mental Fairy, I loved your story about Maize and Joe.

Manny Moe, I was aware when I was posting that I might be seeing your situation through the lens of my own experience, and didn't mean to sound like I know your relationship and what you should feel about it or what actions to take. I think you said not too long ago that there's a lot of laughter in your house, and that sounds like a hopeful sign.

Keeping lines of communication open with your therapist and your wife also sounds positive. It can be hard not to react negatively to criticism, so I give you kudos for managing to keep engaged in the conversation without escalating it.

I have to say it makes me sad that you say your wife loved you when you were unlovable. I remember the struggles of your past that you've shared on the forum, but I still don't believe that you were ever unlovable.

Please take care of yourself.

rg