4 x 4, what I am working on right now

[oak]

Manuel Moe!

Thanks for sharing. I am glad to see you posting, and that you are doing well.

One thing to consider, perhaps even as a friendly challenge: are you actually "drowning" in paperwork?

What might be a more precise way to describe your situation?

For bonus points, can you put it in a "I feel...when...because" statement?

But above all, it is good to hear from you.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks, Oak, for reminding me to be more precise in my language and do less catastrophizing with my language.

My paperwork makes me feel hopeless that I will ever catch up. This is distorted thinking. My paperwork does not have the power to destroy my inner worth.

Right now, my week's assignment from my therapist is to use my voice with my wife. It is scary because I try to control the vocal exchange in the relationship by being silent about my needs sometimes.

Also I have problems with the "I" in R-A-I-N ("I" stands for "Investigate"). I am scared to ask myself what I need because I am worried it is simply the first step in realizing I will never get what I need and the hopelessness that will ensue.

I am always wishing someone would come out of the blue and save me. I have to save myself. I have inner worth and inner capability and I have the will and the capability to save myself.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Hi Manuel,
It seems really reasonable to me that you're waiting to be saved. What resources did little Manuel have? He needed to be saved!
Luckily, you are now an adult with inner and outer resources. It will take some practice and positive experiences for you to believe that you can save yourself. With help, of course. But you now have the ability to choose reliable people to help and to hear you!
Heather

[manuel_moe_g]

Dropped the thread, i want to pick back up again the thread of mindfulness from this morning's prayers

[manuel_moe_g]

Doing pretty good today, working from my google sheet spreadsheet of tasks, i use "pick random number" from google proper to know which one to work on, so i don't keep avoiding the scary ones

https://www.google.com/search?q=pick+random+number

then i "pick random number" again for the number of minutes to work on

good system

did you know the To-Do helper Trello is free? https://trello.com/

there was real tension before i dove back into my tasks, but i overcame it

how is everyone else's day going? Well, I hope.

Everyone on this message board is fairly rad!

[Beany Boo]

I started doing a thing.

It started with a walk really. I took a hiking chair and 2 water bottles out to the hills. Using my phone timer I’d walk for half an hour then sit and rest for 10 minutes.

I ended up walking 15 miles. I’d never even come close to that before. And it was amazing.

I started doing similar to clean my house. I’d clean for 10 minutes, then say, watch a movie for 10 minutes. I’d end up spending literally half a day and entire evening cleaning. The repeated enforced rest just made the tasks super easy.

I started trying to do it at work; 10 minutes on one task, then switch to another task for 10 minutes, then a third one for 10 minutes. No rest interval but the change to a task was different enough, that it constituted a mental rest. Part finishing a bunch of tasks, I felt more effective than if I spent more time and finished one. I also tried to finish against the ten minute timer, knowing I’d stop the task at 10 minutes regardless. It was a bit overwhelming because it freed up my mind and gave me something to be beholden to, the ten minute deadline. When I did eventually rest properly, I made the absolute mindful most of it; because that was the mode I was already in, conditioned by all of the 10 minute sessions.

I’m not suggesting anyone adopt this. It’s just your talk of task management reminded me of it and I hadn’t actually put it into words or shared it before.

How you do things is so vital; the weight, the energy you put in, they can either drain or buoy you. And resting can be magical.

Also, I would just add Manuel Moe, that what you do for yourself in the way of organizing your time and thoughts, particularly under duress, while it helps you personally, ends up being an example to those around you, whether you intend it or not. You’re doing great work.

[manuel_moe_g]

Boy, had to clean a lot of spam on the message board today! Whew!

After I woke up this morning, I had terrible arthritic pain in my joints. As my joints warm up, it seems that the pain is going down.

Practicing R-A-I-N

R - Recognize the negative feeling or mood or thought

A - Allow yourself to have the feeling or mood or thought without judgement

I - Investigate What you need (this is tricky for me, the investigation should center around what you need internally. so if i am in the shower, and i think i need my wife to back off and let me soak in the shower, what i really need is to feel good about myself when i am not getting external validation. i think this is the right way to proceed)

N - Nurture yourself (i neglect this step many times)

[manuel_moe_g]

Had a session with my therapist yesterday.

We are talking about the "I - Investigate" in R-A-I-N. She says not only to ask what I need mentally, but also listen to my body what it needs physically. Feel where in my body I feel the need. This is hard for me, I am strangely detached from my body except when my body is in pain. But I can do this with effort: for example, shame I feel about being less than, I feel that shame in my face.

My therapist wants me to try for radical acceptance of my challenges physically and mentally. This will be different for me, because my habit is to hate my challenges and limitations, trying to hate them out of existence, without any success.

[*] talking about radical self-acceptance of the limits (challenges) of my body and mind

[*] listen to my body, what my physical limits (challenges) are - listen to my mind, what my mental limits (challenges) are

[*] thank my body and mind for what i _can_ do

[*] by risking doing radical acceptance, this opens up some hope, which is the path to really trying and growing

[*] advocate for myself, for the benefit of myself

also talked about using my voice in relationships to advocate for what my needs are, during which I must manage my primal panic as best i can

[manuel_moe_g]

heh, the mental/physical challenge i feel now is fatigue and scatter-brain-ness

[Heatherwantspeace]

MM, a quick thank you for the spam clean up!