My mom being angry at me

[Mental Fairy]

This is so very interesting for me to read my friend.
I recall the phone would ring and my mum would say ‘ya me here’. Every time. Not much would be said as it wasn’t always productive conversations.
Until time started to run out. The dreaded feeling of time slipping away and that time the calls would stop.

Going back to a day I recall being in a supermarket shopping, Matt was 3years old. I got home and parked in the shed. I heard the phone ringing (starting to cry now typing this) I recall the ring ring, Matt was in his car seat car full of groceries and I dashed into the bedroom to grab the phone beside the bed. It must of rung maybe over eight rings. I put the phone to my ear and I remember it’s grey with the curly wire thing. It was my mum, I don’t recall the ‘ya me here’. I heard ‘I love you’. That was the first time I ever heard those words Manuel Moe. I was twenty something and I heard her say them to me for the first time. I knew then she was dying, she knew she was dying. It was way to late, why didn’t she say them when I fell over as a child, when she dropped me off places and when she left me at the kindergarten wire gates as I hurt so badly watching her leave me there.

That phone call changed my life. It changed me as a mother and I’m sure your mothers behaviour changes you as a father. As a friend to a friend, never stop all the calls, yes limit them but the ones you do make please make them productive, healthy and worthwhile.

From a friend to a friend, you have my support know matter what decisions you make but please think with kindness, compassion and protection for your own wellbeing. Take a break yes, just don’t cut the cord unless she is a serial killer or licks other peoples windows!

[Beany Boo]

feeling sad about how the mean voice in my head is mainly her voice

I’m so sorry that she ever thought she could speak to you in a way that would leave such long-lived wounds. I’m also sorry for the difficulty that both of you have suffered through in each of your lives.

That you are showing up at all well… you know

[Mental Fairy]

It’s not just people that change lives, it’s events, words, touch, a look, an absence.

[monic94]

Exactly, Don't Take It Personally. Many mental health professionals consider anger to be a secondary emotion, meaning it is used to protect oneself from other feelings of vulnerability like humiliation, rejection, sadness, fear, etc.

[rivergirl]

Hi Manny,

I'm sorry about your difficulties with your mom.

I don't think you should feel bad that you were talking to her more frequently due to loneliness. Some people feel more comfortable with a few close contacts and I think it's natural to want to turn to family.

It's important to protect yourself and you don't deserve to be treated badly.

rg

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks RG, so awesome that someone as terrific as you cares

Talking to my mom less, our closeness has improved

I think I was risking enmeshment when I was talking to her several times everyday, she is a risky person to do that with, she is very transactional in relationships and the closer you get to her the more demanding she becomes and the more vengeful she will get if she thinks that she isn’t the highest priority

She is not safe

My loneliness is real, I crave to hear voices and laugh and crack jokes, but my being on the autism spectrum and my social anxiety and my dour face from my depressed mood and depressed thoughts make that out of reach as often as I crave it

[oak]

Manuel Moe, thank you for sharing. This is a difficult situation.

It sounds like you have some movement towards clearer boundaries the last few weeks.