Ta-dah! List

[oak]

Oh my goodness!

One of the all time great MIHH forum posts!

[Beany Boo]

They’ve employed a clinical psychologist to cater to the staff. I think because of some suicides that occurred recently.

My department had a group session with her.

People proceeded to talk about too much work, not enough staff in different ways with countless examples. The psychologist patiently took notes. After about 20 minutes I change the subject to our bullying boss.

The psychologist closed and put down her notebook emphatically, as if to say, “finally!”. She said this was what she was here for and could help with.

A good part of the group poured out instances of the boss’s behavior. One mentioned his own recent 5 weeks off work because of something the boss had said to him. Another sited discrimination. They all painted a fairly unmistakable picture.

Best day of work so far, in my life.

The psychologist scheduled to meet with us again and summarized the feedback she would be giving the boss; which sounded really professional and substantial.

It felt like the first time I’d been listened to at work. I think it was the first time many had encountered a psychologist. She is worth her weight in gold.

The ta-dah! was changing the subject to the boss’s behavior.

[manuel_moe_g]

The ta-dah! was changing the subject to the boss’s behavior.

Awesome, Beany!

[Beany Boo]

[Beany Boo]

So today, a colleague came to me in confidence and said she was being abused by our boss in a discriminatory way, because of her race. She asked if I could help her raise a report because she felt unsafe and like she might not be able to continue in her job. Because it was her boss she didn’t know who else to talk to.

Of course I helped her and provided all the forms and guides she would require, and whatever advice and support I could offer; and the details of another contact who specializes in this area.

Now looking back, on the interaction, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that she felt like she could come and talk about this with me. I am keenly aware of my own inadequacy in this situation; but also to not let that hinder me. I also feel like I might be able to work this out in the necessarily delicate way required.

I want her to continue to work, to support her family and be left alone and supported better in her job. I feel like crying whenever I think about it. I have to keep reminding myself it’s not about me.

Hopefully my mindfulness course will allow me to be more effective in this sort of task.

[oak]

Very good, BeanyBoo.

I am proud of you, and her. I am pleased she came to you, and what I have observed in this forum for years I can see what kind of person you are incredibly becoming: someone who can be trusted and can help someone take action.

This is about justice.

[Beany Boo]

[Beany Boo]

So in the lead up to our next departmental group session with the new clinical psychologist in charge of staff wellbeing, I’ve done something unprecedented.

I’ve emailed her with a list, detailing as candidly as I dare, the abusive behaviors that my boss has been practicing.

I feel good about it. I feel strong and that it is right. On the one hand, I sense that this psychologist is the genuine article. If anyone can facilitate a change, she can. On the other hand, this guy is screaming out for an intervention; he needs help, yesterday. As much as he is potentially ruining others’ experiences, he is heading down a bad path. As loathe as I am (and resentful) to be his intervener/qualifier, it looks like I am the only one positioned with the opportunity.

I say loathed, because I more or less intervened on my dad (after I watched him throw a book at my mom in a fit of rage) but then, shortly thereafter, he died; not before confiding in my sister, “Don’t have sons…”. To her credit, she admonished him for that, even while he was in deterioration. I felt like he died to spite me (not a joke…).

I think submitting the list was also prompted by my colleague reporting to me that the abuse she’d received also had racist elements. While I don’t owe it to her, her trusting me with that information pushes me forward.

I’m also reminded by Oak’s saying, “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” No matter how this turns out I feel compelled to speak candidly; any other way is insanity; in this context; this dysfunctional mess.

All that said, just as I secured my accommodation again I could be putting myself out of a job!



I say that jokingly but I know how far people will go to maintain their reality regardless of how it’s hurting those around them. So, we’ll see I guess. I’m confident I’m not looking for drama; quite the opposite. Whatever the outcome, I couldn’t have continued to simply subject myself, and my colleagues to unnecessary suffering.

The end

Oh! The ta-dah! was sending the email to the clinical psychologist.

[oak]

“Normal people get mad when told lies.
Narcissists get mad when told the truth”
-Reddit

[Beany Boo]

Oof! I felt that…