YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

How can it be? Why life has to be so complex? And such piss-poor life tools explained to me when I was young

I hope things are better now

Hi duck1.

Thank you for your feedback, I wish we had an ability to trust in ourselves that we are doing our best. I’m not sure if it’s the same for you but one of the actions I struggle with is my hand writing. I recall being at primary school and being told it wasn’t good enough. That feeling of not being good enough imprinted on my brain, it will never be good as I don’t recall any positive feedback. If i did I think the shame i felt just overrides it. Now I write in paper diaries every single day at work. I forever keep saying to myself it’s not good enough, especially if I’m rushing. Learning to tell that old teacher in my head or my own mothers thoughts to shut the beep up is a daily thing.
Some days breaking the pencil in half makes me feel better!


That self talk you hear will forever be there as long as you listen to it. Struggling with that myself. Finding moments to cut yourself some slake is key. The more you verbally punch those inner thoughts in the jugular the better.

Take one day at a time, and know we are here.

You guys are all so great. Reading my rambling, offering me words of advice, identification and wisdom. I really am looking now in the forum to see who I can pay it forward to.

Mental Fairy, I also have problems with hand writing. It is illegible and my hand hurts. That is amazing that we both have the same issue.

Hi Duck1

The handwriting thing makes me feel such shame even today. Two years ago i cut my finger off with a hedge trimmer (i have photos!!!)
When dashing into ED holding up my hand asking for an immediate fix as i was on call that weekend they soon tried putting it back on. I said to the lady that this injury will give me peace for a bit as my hand writting is terrible and i now don't have to feel bad about it, i needed to learn to hold a pen again.
For months i would get those colouring in books for adults (not the naughty kind!) and a treat to myself was a beautiful set of coloured pencils. I relearnt how to hold a pen and pencil. How to move it within the lines. One thing i noticed was i couldn't stop self criticism. I felt bad if i went over a line. I hated the picture once i went over the line. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't how i wanted it. That book i now use with my niece every Sunday. We sit and colour in and talk books. She is 12. I have a portion of my brain that looks at her work and thinks how crap mine looks. Even in my early 40s and still that voice is there from class. Every day at work i force myself to write in the paper diary for patients. I refuse to use computer as i must conquer this inner handwriting hater!

So Duck1 you are not alone on that one!!!

Hi Guys,

I want some advice please. So I started my new job (finshed second day). So far pretty good. People are frinedly overall and try to be helpful. One thing that shocked me is that they have a very strong tradition of having coffee in the morning togehter and having lunch together.
It's a small place.

I was very nervous, and felt very stressed. I didn't expect that,

so here is the advice I want-

How do you not overshare?
How do you handle the small talk?

I choose to be quiet and not talk if it is too artifical.

oh, i have this problem too

saw a great tik-tok by Roman Zanoni on the "7 seconds pause" to stop over-sharing

https://www.tiktok.com/@romanzanoni/video/7145932879619640622

(he is also a great resource for recovering from trauma in general, awesome information-dense tik-toks)

the long pause might be scary because of the fear it is off-putting, however this is preferable to over-sharing

giving short, perfunctory answers also might be scary again because of fear it is off-putting or too un-friendly or seems arrogant, again this is still preferable to over-sharing

ultimately, for small talk it helps me to enter mentally a place of remembering that other peoples's opinion of me is none of my business

it is harsh, but you deserve the peace of mind that comes from being above other people's opinions

good luck to you! you got this!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

since I have this problem too, i asked around, this is one answer from a friend

"Sometimes just having a 'script' of certain topics can be useful in these situations. You can practice how much you can reasonably, comfortably share for meeting new people. Then you have something you can go to when introducing yourself and answering those 'getting to know you' questions. Then, you might even take notes on the names of everyone you met at lunch and a little about them, so you can refer to it next time."

Dear Manuel,

You are always so kind!

Hello Duck1,

That's a lot of socializing. What do the conversations tend to be about? Work-related, current events? Too much can get exhausting, especially if it starts to feel obligatory.

(Ever heard the joke - "For Better or Worse, but not for lunch everyday"? )

I wonder how they might react if you just admitted to being a bit shy, and not used to so many people. Just to set everyone's minds at ease, that you're not being rude or something...

SD

Dear Snoring Dog,

Very good Idea, thanks.

Last night was a difficult night for me.

I had my first conversation with my boss. New work has been going well so far. I felt that I overshared about issues I had with my last job. After that I started ruminating about how I ruined my image and how stupid that was.

Than I came home. My house is cluttered and I do want to rearrange it majorly. Because we have a child (a preteen daughter) it is important that it look suitable. The house cannot be arranged before major clatter goes out. I am overwhelmed by this.