Ta-dah! List

[Beany Boo]

It was a slightly nerve wracking weekend. The next group session with the psychologist is today. I underestimated the pressure I had put myself under by sharing my real thoughts in writing with her on Friday.

I came in this morning and noticed that she had replied about 10 minutes after I had left on Friday to say thank you and to validate my input. I think that would have made the weekend easier for me, had I read her message on Friday.

As it is, I am relieved now.

I feel like the meeting today, will yield a further positive change; not just for me but for my co-workers, some of whom are contemplating quitting rather than facing a future of being spoken to perjoratively.

I do fear the change even if it is positive. I just have to accept that I fear change. I think my brain and body experiencing evidence of a setting that is not under the shadow of an abuser; once I see what that looks like, the fear will depreciate.

[oak]

BeanyBoo, thank you for sharing.

I'm glad the email brought you comfort.

I think it is telling that both of us stood up to verbal abuse this past week. It should have never happened, ever, but post-lockdown, as you said, people are leaving.

We always talked about leaving crappy jobs that abused us verbally, but now it is happening.

And yet the perpetrators and their enablers (they always come in a pair) haven't gotten the message.

It makes me wonder, really wonder, my friend, why we put up with this verbal abuse in the workplace, ever.

I've been working since 1993, and always accepted it as part of life. No more. No more.

Please do keep us posted.

And I give you Orson-Welles-bravo!-meme claps for your "ta-da!"

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[rivergirl]

I'm in awe of your courage, Beany.

Sending my support, encouragement and good thoughts to you (and to you, Oak).

rg

[Beany Boo]

Thank you both

The session went as well as I would have expected. Everyone attended. Everyone was candid. I think we were comfortable as a group with what the psychologist had collected for the basis of her feedback to the boss.

There’s no guarantee he’ll respond productively to it. I feel like it’s a controlled situation however.

‘Cautious optimism’ is the operative phrase. Not to mention, ‘bonded by trauma’.

We’ll see…

… in January.

[Beany Boo]

Update

My South Asian colleague came up to me in private this morning and thanked me profusely for speaking up, in the session, discreetly but deliberately, about discrimination that was going on in our department. I was overwhelmed by her show of gratitude. I had done my best in the session, to get the message across, but was worried I had made a mess of it. In a fortnight, with a number of firsts, her validation - that I had actually done something worthwhile for her - was the best yet.

You go through years of therapy halfway certain that it is helping you. Then you arrive at a group session at work run by a clinical psychologist. You realize in that moment that, because of those years, you have been primed for that session, in the midst of overwhelm, to tell the truth, and have the language to hand to do so, and can help yourself and the people around you with your words.

Yesterday, as I walked out of the session, it felt like all the years of therapy, indeed, all my efforts so far, had been leading up to this point.

I hope I remember that feeling. I think I probably will.

The ta-dah! was my colleagues smiles and thanks.

[oak]

Well done!

[Beany Boo]

[rivergirl]

Beany,

This ta-dah! makes me feel like crying, but in a good way.

I agree with Oak, well done.

[Beany Boo]

Thank you

It was a tide-turning moment for me; personally humbling. Hopefully I can build on it now and show up for more moments like it to come.

[Beany Boo]

Today I drafted a team survey. The topic was ‘interruptions’. It asked people to give their feedback on the ways in which interruptions affect their stress levels. I got it approved by the boss! Unprecedented…

Hopefully people will fill it out. Then I can collect the responses. If it works, there might improvements that come out of it. We might get some solutions that reduce, or better control the number of interruptions people experience.

I sensed today what might be; a workplace that is productive, kind, free of tension, free of confusion.

The ta-dah! was the boss’s go-ahead.