I figure it is better than complete isolation, which is my default condition.
Well... I fear that if I smother people, then they'll abandon me, and then I'll feel that invalidation, and wind up with the complete isolation I'm trying to avoid, so I'm trying to modify my approach.
I guess I'm looking for a comfortable neutral ground... where I'm not alienating people, but I'm not getting close, either, so I can avoid that risk of abandonment.
If I can achieve that, then although I'm not validated, I'm also not invalidated, either. I just am. I'm neutral. Which is a heck of a lot better than when I was little and getting beat up a lot. So, I'll take that.
At work, people seem to like my work. So, I let my work stand for me and represent me. And that creates a sort-of kind of validation. But to make myself vulnerable and let them, or anyone, get to know me by, say, showing up at social functions, that would probably disappoint, as it has in the past, and would definately will leave me vulnerable to abandonment.
People are so hard to please! It seems to be so easy to do something wrong. But for others, not so much. It seems other people can be irresponsible and inconsiderate and yet as despicable as they are, they are never alone... they get pass after pass. It has always seemed like there was a different standard or set of rules for me, personally, although I know that can't be the case. Have you ever felt like that?
