YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have a friend with whom I've shared a lot of confidences. (Support group sponsor.)

Lately it feels like there's no good time to call her, and that's a change from a few months ago. The last time I called her, she was a little short with me when she first picked up, like I was bothering her. I call maximum 2-3 times a week these days and we're not on the phone for long. There might be a text or two on occasion but even that has fallen off.

Has she had it sponsoring me? (Who knows.) Have I had it being put off and sidelined? (Yes.)

So I'll be trying to initiate a conversation this weekend. Part of me just wants to walk away but another part of me feels like if she wants to walk away, she should say so. I had to do that with someone last year.

I may look around for another sponsor no matter what happens. I've been around my support group for a while and I have a therapist and these forums, so it's not like I don't have anyone to talk to. I've had other sponsors and I know that a change of sponsor doesn't mean the end of the world. Also, I know people who don't have sponsors at all but as long as they talk to SOMEONE in depth they're OK.

Not a great feeling, though.

Hi techchick,
I'm sorry you're going through this with your sponsor. My last romantic relationship ended that way after 7 years. My therapist said she's seen an increase in this ghosting behavior in the last couple of years. It's hard not to take it personally (I've struggled with that a lot) but it seems like it reflects more on the person doing the ghosting, as long as it isn't a case of someone being abused and feeling they have to ghost for that reason. That wasn't the case with my relationship and doesn't sound like the case with you and your sponsor. I think discussing it with your sponsor and considering seeking a new sponsor are positive steps. Wishing you success in finding a more available and consistent sponsor. All the best to you,

rivergirl

Yeah...your sponsor is not doing her job...and doesn't have the guts to talk to you and say, "hey, I think you're great but you might need to find a new sponsor...sorry it didn't work out," instead of avoiding confrontation and sending passive-aggressive messages. I can't be in contact with people who do that, so I might just drop her and get a new sponsor, but I don't know your situation with her, so I'll try to be sensitive.

But it seems like she doesn't want to be your sponsor anymore... You say, "Part of me just wants to walk away but another part of me feels like if she wants to walk away, she should say so." I know you were brave enough to do that last year, but not everyone have the guts to be straightforward like you (which I admire). The conversation might go no where and she might become more wishy-washy (she strikes me as a type who doesn't like confrontation). So it could go sour, but if you need to get it off of your chest (which I totally understand), go for it!

You have other sponsors, therapists and group setting so you don't need to be attached to this one girl who you thought was going to be an awesome sponsor but was a disappointment. These thing happen and no matter how many awesome sponsors or friends you talk to, I believe that it shouldn't get codependent, because that's when things go awry. They are there to listen and give you support, but at the end of the day, it's you who has to take responsibility for your emotions and not get attached to others. And vice versa of course, your dealing with your own emotions, so you don't have the capacity to take on responsibility for other people's emotional roller coasters either