My sister has been troubled for a long time. She called to ask me to take her to ER today for mental health issues. I asked my brother to take her instead, and they are at ER now. This seems to have been building up for a while and I've encouraged her to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist but she hasn't done that yet.
I'm feeling guilty that I didn't take her, but I'm trying to recover from my own depression/anxiety, and it feels like I'm trying to keep my own head above water. Right now if I get involved in my sister's issues as I have in the past I feel like she would drag both of us underwater. I work full-time in a professional job, commute, live with our 91-year old mom so I can pay her expenses, go to therapy weekly, etc. My sister hasn't worked in many years and doesn't have the same kinds of responsibilities I do.
I think my brother is better able to handle this than I am at this point. He's married and has a family and a nice home. He doesn't deal with depression or anxiety.
I don't know why I'm feeling such a mix of guilt, dread, and triggering of my own depression and anxiety over this.
Thanks for listening.
Sister went to hospital
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bigeekgirl
- Posts: 402
- Joined: December 9th, 2012, 9:17 pm
- Gender: female
- Issues: depression/anxiety. co-dependence, disordered eating/using food to cope
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: South Carolina
Re: Sister went to hospital
*hugs* I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I get why you are feeling bad about it, but she is getting the help she needs and you are taking care of you and well as your mum by prioritizing your own health. It doesn't do her any good to run yourself into the ground.
Re: Sister went to hospital
Rivergirl, may I offer some tough love... for your sister? I say this less to shame her, and more to encourage you.
Look, its Sunday. You have to work in the morning. Any trip to the ER will be hours and hours.
It is my opinion, and this might reveal me to be a jerk, but I give you full and unlimited authority to say No.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
My anxiety workbook says that as grown ass people it is in our bill of rights to say "no" without explanation.
Your sister is in a situation that sucks. She has options, many (or all) of which suck.
You would take her if you wanted. You don't want to, for any (or no) reason. That is enough. You are enough.
If she needs to go to the ER, she can take an Uber, walk, or call the ambulance.
Rivergirl is responsible for Rivergirl. Your paycheck, which relies on you being somewhat awake and alert and passably ready first thing Monday morning, only reads "Rivergirl". How much is your sister concerned about your job performance tomorrow? If your sister wants to sign a paycheck for you, for equal or greater than your employer, then by all means take her.
We have to be meditative on Sunday nights, and getting ready: a week of work is a big big matter.
That being said, if the only reason you wouldn't take her is because you don't want to take her, then that is reason enough.
Take this all with a big old grain of salt: notice how easy it is for me to advise you about assertiveness with your family. I have some assertiveness to do with my sister, and we'll see how brave I am and how easy it is.
Some more advice: do some yoga stretches, yawn, watch a little Hallmark, drink some tea, no screens before bed, and read a book.
Your job will need everything you can bring tomorrow.
Look, its Sunday. You have to work in the morning. Any trip to the ER will be hours and hours.
It is my opinion, and this might reveal me to be a jerk, but I give you full and unlimited authority to say No.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
My anxiety workbook says that as grown ass people it is in our bill of rights to say "no" without explanation.
Your sister is in a situation that sucks. She has options, many (or all) of which suck.
You would take her if you wanted. You don't want to, for any (or no) reason. That is enough. You are enough.
If she needs to go to the ER, she can take an Uber, walk, or call the ambulance.
Rivergirl is responsible for Rivergirl. Your paycheck, which relies on you being somewhat awake and alert and passably ready first thing Monday morning, only reads "Rivergirl". How much is your sister concerned about your job performance tomorrow? If your sister wants to sign a paycheck for you, for equal or greater than your employer, then by all means take her.
We have to be meditative on Sunday nights, and getting ready: a week of work is a big big matter.
That being said, if the only reason you wouldn't take her is because you don't want to take her, then that is reason enough.
Take this all with a big old grain of salt: notice how easy it is for me to advise you about assertiveness with your family. I have some assertiveness to do with my sister, and we'll see how brave I am and how easy it is.
Some more advice: do some yoga stretches, yawn, watch a little Hallmark, drink some tea, no screens before bed, and read a book.
Your job will need everything you can bring tomorrow.
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
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brownblob
- Posts: 827
- Joined: January 22nd, 2016, 4:51 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: depression and anxiety
- preferred pronoun: whatshisname
Re: Sister went to hospital
It is understandable that you feel the way you do.
But You did call your brother and make arrangements for him to take her. You did what you felt like you could do. You have to take care of yourself too. You did nothing wrong.
But You did call your brother and make arrangements for him to take her. You did what you felt like you could do. You have to take care of yourself too. You did nothing wrong.
I don't like people much and they don't much like me. -A Beautiful Mind
I'm Homesick for a home I never had.--Soul Asylum "Homesick"
I'm Homesick for a home I never had.--Soul Asylum "Homesick"
Re: Sister went to hospital
Thank you, bgg, brownblob, and oak. Your messages helped me with some of the guilt.
I care a lot about my family, but there's a limit to how much I can take on.
I appreciate the reminders about self-care, Oak. I was berating myself for not being productive this afternoon after getting upset by my sister's situation. But there wasn't anything urgent that I needed to do, so I'll try to give myself a break from self-criticism this evening.
I care a lot about my family, but there's a limit to how much I can take on.
I appreciate the reminders about self-care, Oak. I was berating myself for not being productive this afternoon after getting upset by my sister's situation. But there wasn't anything urgent that I needed to do, so I'll try to give myself a break from self-criticism this evening.