Mushrooms, food stamps, a father's love.
Posted: January 11th, 2019, 1:51 pm
Hi friends.
May I dump the contents of my mind on this page? Here goes:
Food stamps:
Seeing people on food stamps facing no food in March reminds me to be grateful for my current position, and the freedom it affords me to purchase food (see below). I was on food stamps in 2008 for six months, and was very grateful. I got sober while on them, and at the end got a job that provided food and housing.
Much as I complain about my job, I am also grateful that I am getting paid for it; I am equally saddened to see the many federal employees working without pay. I live paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes these things are difficult to consider.
Mushrooms:
This summer I was privileged (and yes, I use that word intentionally) to be invited to the local research farm to learn about mushroom hunting. I was spoiled by the abundant oyster (as much as you could take) and chantarelles. Since then I've tried to expand my pallete by adding creminis. Mushrooms are an acquired taste for me, but I am keeping after it.
Eating to get strength back:
Since Christmas I have been a new form of exhausted. No doubt much of it is mental exhaustion from grief. I had been teaching myself guitar and exercising, but the grief is exhausting me. I am retreating, but holding onto mental territory of good habits, but only the most important:
Don't drink (since 2008)
Show up to work (since 2009)
Take care of my teeth (since 2017)
Now I am adding eating more, and more substantially. The only food that ever satisfies me is whole grains. On payday I went and got spelt, teff, barley, quinoa, chia, amaranthra, millet, and sorghum. I got great books out from the library for recipes for slow cooking them: I have expanded my palate by trying celery seed and dill in a traditional spelt soup (a passing colleague reported to "smell good", much to my surprise).
I have also craved rich, sweet foods. After 2 years of "eating healthy", more or less, I have enjoyed (but not compulsively or gluttonously) peanut butter cream pies.
Father's love:
Having been on my own for nearly a year (!), my father is growing more affectionate, especially since he has been diagnosed with a (long term, but still) degenerative disease. He has told me he loves me unconditionally.
That is good to know, since the grief (which is not depression, though it manifests exactly the same) has exhausted me.
I know that today I am enough. Or I tell myself that.
I'd like to shave and go to the open mic (I am no closer to being able to play; practicing gives me anxiety, even though I very much enjoy it!).
That may take more courage and energy than I have today.
May I dump the contents of my mind on this page? Here goes:
Food stamps:
Seeing people on food stamps facing no food in March reminds me to be grateful for my current position, and the freedom it affords me to purchase food (see below). I was on food stamps in 2008 for six months, and was very grateful. I got sober while on them, and at the end got a job that provided food and housing.
Much as I complain about my job, I am also grateful that I am getting paid for it; I am equally saddened to see the many federal employees working without pay. I live paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes these things are difficult to consider.
Mushrooms:
This summer I was privileged (and yes, I use that word intentionally) to be invited to the local research farm to learn about mushroom hunting. I was spoiled by the abundant oyster (as much as you could take) and chantarelles. Since then I've tried to expand my pallete by adding creminis. Mushrooms are an acquired taste for me, but I am keeping after it.
Eating to get strength back:
Since Christmas I have been a new form of exhausted. No doubt much of it is mental exhaustion from grief. I had been teaching myself guitar and exercising, but the grief is exhausting me. I am retreating, but holding onto mental territory of good habits, but only the most important:
Don't drink (since 2008)
Show up to work (since 2009)
Take care of my teeth (since 2017)
Now I am adding eating more, and more substantially. The only food that ever satisfies me is whole grains. On payday I went and got spelt, teff, barley, quinoa, chia, amaranthra, millet, and sorghum. I got great books out from the library for recipes for slow cooking them: I have expanded my palate by trying celery seed and dill in a traditional spelt soup (a passing colleague reported to "smell good", much to my surprise).
I have also craved rich, sweet foods. After 2 years of "eating healthy", more or less, I have enjoyed (but not compulsively or gluttonously) peanut butter cream pies.
Father's love:
Having been on my own for nearly a year (!), my father is growing more affectionate, especially since he has been diagnosed with a (long term, but still) degenerative disease. He has told me he loves me unconditionally.
That is good to know, since the grief (which is not depression, though it manifests exactly the same) has exhausted me.
I know that today I am enough. Or I tell myself that.
I'd like to shave and go to the open mic (I am no closer to being able to play; practicing gives me anxiety, even though I very much enjoy it!).
That may take more courage and energy than I have today.