Bad reaction

[rivergirl]

I had two vaccines on Tuesday that were recommended due to my autoimmune illness, for pneumonia and shingles, but one of them or the combination triggered a reaction that included severe muscle cramping in my neck & back, vomiting, chills and violent shaking. I'm not anti-vaccine and recognize that the alternative is much worse (pneumonia could kill me due to my immune issues). But the worst part is that I've had a series of five migraines over the past five days so have missed parts of several days of work and have had to be in my darkened room and sleeping more than usual. We also had some dark & rainy days, and lost electricity repeatedly one day. Going into a 3-day weekend now, possibly more rain expected, and yet another migraine is starting.

I've generally become better at managing my symptoms of depression, anxiety and loneliness that can kick in when I'm at home, especially on weekends, but this week is challenging the resiliency I've been trying to develop and I'm afraid of the upcoming weekend. Even one day of a migraine can set me back, so the ongoing cycle is really getting me down.

Today when the latest migraine started my depression/anxiety started telling me that this week is just a preview of the rest of my life: being alone & ill in a dark room, taking care of my 92-year old mom, my brother and his family living a mile away but feeling like they're a million miles away in terms of how helpful & involved they are. Oh yeah, and I deserve all of this, I'm old, and just look how ugly I am (migraine hangover with no makeup and hair in a ponytail isn't a good look for a twenty-something, let alone a fifty-something).

Trying to talk back to the depression/anxiety demons about the positive changes I've made, and the ones I will continue to make. Also, the lack of interest from my brother and his family in recent years doesn't define who I am, and probably isn't even really about me.

I shouldn't be using my computer right now since my vision is getting worse due to the migraine, but it feels good to be able to share this.

Thanks guys (anyone who happens to read this or just to the forum for being here). I'm grateful for everyone who has ever had the courage to post here, or the kindness to read posts.

rg

[manuel_moe_g]

I am sorry to hear that you are suffering like this, Rivergirl. You are so supportive on the forum, but you are dealing with your own struggles.

I am really sorry to hear about the migraines. You don't deserve to have such a powerful wave of pain knock you down.

Sending you support over the Interwebs. Please take care, you are simply the best!

[oak]

Thank you for sharing.

I have no advice, but please be reminded that you are human, and it is okay to experience negative things. We have lots of things that can go wrong: immune systems, central nervous systems, vascular whatnots.

In other words, there is no shame in experiencing what you are experiencing. It is chemicals, and anyone would feel the same way as you are, right now. So no need for shame.

It still majorly sucks, though. I am sorry you are suffering. I hope you feel better, at least a little better, now.

[rivergirl]

Thanks so much, manny_moe_g & oak. The headache on Saturday never got extremely bad, and I haven't had one since. I was able to get out of the house each day of the weekend.

I'm feeling emotionally shaky today, but I know it's mostly loneliness and that's something I'm working on. I'll be back at work tomorrow.

Your kindness is very much appreciated.

[brownblob]

I hope you're feeling better River

[rivergirl]

Thanks very much, brownblob, I'm a lot better this week.

I hope you're fully recovered from your awful surgery experience.

rg

[brownblob]

Glad you're feeling better. I've recovered from my surgery, but I still haven't regained my energy. I keep hoping it will come back.

[rivergirl]

I hope so too. Take care, brownblob.

[oak]

I am glad you are doing better.