did something halfway right and then fucked up
Posted: November 25th, 2019, 4:42 am
Yeah well I'm just not good at adulting. And that's the nice way to put it.
Doing grown up stuff scares me shitless.
I had to make a kinda important phone call today to resolve something. I have been putting this off for about a week because I was just to scared to, well, talk to this stranger on the phone. I was quite sure they would hear through my attempt to sound like the grown up I am supposed to be and really recognize the scared little child I feel like most of the time. I am afraid one day someone will catch me playing "adult" and I will get scolded for it. Haha. But I guess in fact I am most afraid that my parents will see me as a total failure for not being able to do what they tried to teach me: Live properly. Wow, now I really do sound like a child.
So I did make this phone call and it went okay so far. Maybe I tricked them into believing they really talked to an adult by trying to keep my voice deep and steady although internally I was shaking. The person I talked to left me with some instructions for how to proceed further and after I hang up I was so damn relieved. I followed their instructions to change the account settings I was told to change on the website and then the website told me my request was being processed. It also told me to contact customer service, but I chose to ignore that as for me one scary phone call per day seems to be more than enough. I kept reloading the page to see if anything had already been changed, and then... I accidently hit the "cancel request" button.
Wow. Can't beat myself up enough for the fact that I am beating myself up for something as trivial as this. How can this cause me so much anxiety?
I guess I'll try to send an e-mail instead.
Werewolf
Doing grown up stuff scares me shitless.
I had to make a kinda important phone call today to resolve something. I have been putting this off for about a week because I was just to scared to, well, talk to this stranger on the phone. I was quite sure they would hear through my attempt to sound like the grown up I am supposed to be and really recognize the scared little child I feel like most of the time. I am afraid one day someone will catch me playing "adult" and I will get scolded for it. Haha. But I guess in fact I am most afraid that my parents will see me as a total failure for not being able to do what they tried to teach me: Live properly. Wow, now I really do sound like a child.
So I did make this phone call and it went okay so far. Maybe I tricked them into believing they really talked to an adult by trying to keep my voice deep and steady although internally I was shaking. The person I talked to left me with some instructions for how to proceed further and after I hang up I was so damn relieved. I followed their instructions to change the account settings I was told to change on the website and then the website told me my request was being processed. It also told me to contact customer service, but I chose to ignore that as for me one scary phone call per day seems to be more than enough. I kept reloading the page to see if anything had already been changed, and then... I accidently hit the "cancel request" button.
Wow. Can't beat myself up enough for the fact that I am beating myself up for something as trivial as this. How can this cause me so much anxiety?
I guess I'll try to send an e-mail instead.
Werewolf
