YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi friends.

I am well-acquainted with grief, which often manifests like depression, or may be depression. It manifests as an oppressive heaviness, within every cell.

Many of you know I lost my job and car on the same day: March 23. Since then most of the time I've been unable to move. I shower, shave, cook, clean, and get about 10 minutes a day outside. Otherwise, I am just surfing the web.

I want to honor this grief/really experience this depression.

But how long can this go on?

When I do know I have gone from properly feeling the grief to actively contributing to the cycle of wallowing?

Hi Oak,
I am unqualified to give advice on this, but here I go...

When I feel grief going on too long (subjective), I know it's time for a ceremony. Find a special stone, flower, coin, etc and throw it into the ocean. There may be words, or music, or thoughts. When my childhood friend died recently, I found a stone in her favourite colour, and listened to some of the music we loved in the 80's before giving the stone a kiss and a full body toss into the ocean. To me, the ocean feels safe and strong and endless and constant. I also threw my wedding band in there after my divorce.
Maybe there's something like that for you.

When you're ready.
Heather

You sort of won’t until your body tells you. It will right itself and you’ll feel it. All you can do is keep looking after yourself and respond to changes when they come up.

If it’s anything like mine then you’ll feel like it will go on forever. It doesn’t. I felt discarded, furious, betrayed. I felt awe (in a disturbing amount). I felt exposed, like I didn’t have any skin. I felt like trusting in anything was crazy and stupid.

Eventually I started to accept those feelings and they became less scary. It took some doing and a lot of nervous patience.

Life is still full of risk and uncertainty. I just seem to be showing up more. I don’t really know how it works. You make a decision one day that you’re going to fight. And then you start walking. But you’ve got to let that come in its own time. When it does, you’ll mean it.

Am I making sense?

Everyday, go into the depths of the grief and experience it viscerally for 5 minutes max. Any longer than 5 minutes per day you are falling prey to the 1st world problem of indulging yourself by crawling into your own navel.

After 5 minutes, take action. Good people are in a war against evil, vicious people, in this world at this time. Everytime a good person, such as yourself, debilitates themselves by crawling into their own navel, the risk is that the evil, vicious people will get a slight edge and make this world even less hospitable for truth and beauty.

Please be a warrior, we are counting on you. We are also counting on you to be compassionate to yourself, because you deserve compassion.

What do you think?

I feel great weakness in the shower. I am compassionate with myself, but I remind myself that I am a warrior and good people are counting on me to make this a world of truth and beauty. I manage to move, even if it is slow. Even 30 seconds of courage makes a difference, just like compound interest on an investment can yield great fortune, 30 seconds of courage begets another 30 seconds of courage which begets a life of courage.

Try it out, and let me know if I am full of sh*t, I think you will find something worthwhile here.

Please keep the lines of communication open, all blessings to you, you are a warrior.

I am doing much better. Thank you, friends.

@Heather, Beany Boo, and Manuel Moe: I followed your advice closely, and each helped me. I could write a whole paragraph for each of you, but for the sake of brevity, please know that each of you made my life easier then, and happier now. I am calmer and cooler because you were kind enough to post.

You are respected, Oak. You are worthy of compassion. I am so glad for you that you are in a better place.

It’s humbling for anyone, being knocked on your behind by circumstance. You’re coping however you can. Now that you’re here, solving problems, making decisions and asking for help, I suggest you do the following:

Continue.