Tensions of (false) opposites: three videos

[oak]

TLDRL: New models of masculinity help me break out of old and broken patterns and habits. Yet, is my former lesser self more a part of me nowadays than I'm willing to admit?

Preamble

After years of being a likeable, but feckless and unemployable drunk: besides the society-wide trauma of 9/11, one of the planes flew overhead, I later realized, when I was sleeping off a drunk at my parents house that terrible morning. That must have moved something in my spirit, because from zero within two weeks I had applied to several graduate schools, registered for and taken the GREs, and contacted my references.

First Video

While in graduate school, two things gave me a fresh view of modern masculinity: the wonderful metrosexual movement and this gem of an iconic video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWgvGjA ... rt_radio=1

Besides still slapping as a song, there is so much to love: the dancing with joyful abandon, the cravat, the smokeshows in the audience enjoying themselves. So much vibrant energy. Much like the metrosexuals, Andre 3000 demonstrated a new, better way to be a modern man.

Second Video

While the brother below is from another culture, my feckless young adulthood was much like the sadder aspects of his existence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu9Ty9fxTHE&t=4s

At first I was dismayed at the sad life he was living.

Noticing his flat affect, I piously thought: "He needs to eat a steak, talk to a pretty girl, and get some sunshine."

Then I realized two things:

1. He is not bothering anyone, and he is attempting something very difficult that takes hundreds of hours of minute attention to detail. (He has such a sweet, kind, warm demeanor.)
2. My problem with him was all on me. He is doing his own thing, and I am getting angry at my own faults. (Perhaps "projection" is the right word here.)

I compare (the highly curated) energy of Andre 3000 with our hikkimori brother: there is a tension between the feckless, pre-9/11 me and the vibrant post-9/11 me.

But I'm sure those are a false dichotomy. Andre Benjamin no doubt has a rich inner life, and I believe the hikkimori has the capacity for the vigorous life.

I'm not sure if I am being clear here, or if I even understand myself what I am trying to write.

Fortunately, many a truth is spoken in jest, and these modern icons in the video below demonstrate what I am trying to suggest. The two brothers below perhaps demonstrate this tension the best: of who I know I can be, and who I can inch towards being.

The Third Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxhKrtb3XsE&t

[oak]

In addition to all the wonderful advice, encouragement, and friendship I've been so generously given in this forum over the years, I also appreciate being able to post threads like this. Usually they'll be rattling around in my head for a few days or week or two. I'm not always able to say what I am getting at, and sometimes the ideas are not fully thought through.

But it definitely helps to be able to post here, especially for ideas like this where I have nowhere else to share them.

[Beany Boo]

There’s a poignant parallel here with your comments from another recent weekend. Again you’re showing a longing for the other; other masculinities from different cultures and cultural backgrounds.

You don’t have to find reasons to make connections. Your observations are valid on their own.

I hazard to imagine, the people you express a strong connection to don’t need a reason.

It’s just happening. That’s a main component of the logic of emotional truth it seems. It’s just happening.

The tension is evidence of it.

[oak]

Another gem, Beany Boo. So thoughtful. It rings true. Thank you for giving me this.