YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

TLDRL: New models of masculinity help me break out of old and broken patterns and habits. Yet, is my former lesser self more a part of me nowadays than I'm willing to admit?

Preamble

After years of being a likeable, but feckless and unemployable drunk: besides the society-wide trauma of 9/11, one of the planes flew overhead, I later realized, when I was sleeping off a drunk at my parents house that terrible morning. That must have moved something in my spirit, because from zero within two weeks I had applied to several graduate schools, registered for and taken the GREs, and contacted my references.

First Video

While in graduate school, two things gave me a fresh view of modern masculinity: the wonderful metrosexual movement and this gem of an iconic video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWgvGjA ... rt_radio=1

Besides still slapping as a song, there is so much to love: the dancing with joyful abandon, the cravat, the smokeshows in the audience enjoying themselves. So much vibrant energy. Much like the metrosexuals, Andre 3000 demonstrated a new, better way to be a modern man.

Second Video

While the brother below is from another culture, my feckless young adulthood was much like the sadder aspects of his existence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu9Ty9fxTHE&t=4s

At first I was dismayed at the sad life he was living.

Noticing his flat affect, I piously thought: "He needs to eat a steak, talk to a pretty girl, and get some sunshine."

Then I realized two things:

1. He is not bothering anyone, and he is attempting something very difficult that takes hundreds of hours of minute attention to detail. (He has such a sweet, kind, warm demeanor.)
2. My problem with him was all on me. He is doing his own thing, and I am getting angry at my own faults. (Perhaps "projection" is the right word here.)

I compare (the highly curated) energy of Andre 3000 with our hikkimori brother: there is a tension between the feckless, pre-9/11 me and the vibrant post-9/11 me.

But I'm sure those are a false dichotomy. Andre Benjamin no doubt has a rich inner life, and I believe the hikkimori has the capacity for the vigorous life.

I'm not sure if I am being clear here, or if I even understand myself what I am trying to write.

Fortunately, many a truth is spoken in jest, and these modern icons in the video below demonstrate what I am trying to suggest. The two brothers below perhaps demonstrate this tension the best: of who I know I can be, and who I can inch towards being.

The Third Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxhKrtb3XsE&t

In addition to all the wonderful advice, encouragement, and friendship I've been so generously given in this forum over the years, I also appreciate being able to post threads like this. Usually they'll be rattling around in my head for a few days or week or two. I'm not always able to say what I am getting at, and sometimes the ideas are not fully thought through.

But it definitely helps to be able to post here, especially for ideas like this where I have nowhere else to share them.

There’s a poignant parallel here with your comments from another recent weekend. Again you’re showing a longing for the other; other masculinities from different cultures and cultural backgrounds.

You don’t have to find reasons to make connections. Your observations are valid on their own.

I hazard to imagine, the people you express a strong connection to don’t need a reason.

It’s just happening. That’s a main component of the logic of emotional truth it seems. It’s just happening.

The tension is evidence of it.

Another gem, Beany Boo. So thoughtful. It rings true. Thank you for giving me this.