I will never be "great"...

[manuel_moe_g]

I will never be "great"...

Nothing of mine will be remarkable enough to remain after I pass away...

My younger selves would be so disappointed in my current ineptitude...

It takes so much energy just to remain <this> pathetic...

All I can do is wish for a "bolt from the blue" that will solve all my problems, then <maybe> I can have a chance to be great...

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So these unhelpful thoughts bounce inside of my head. Let's talk back to them in a compassionate, realistic way.

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I will never be "great"... but I definitely can be "better". I have limitations that are not my fault that make life difficult, and it is remarkable that I have achieved so much in my life, particularly on the "personal relationship" front.

Nothing of mine will be remarkable enough to remain after I pass away... but I have loved ones who will remain on after I pass, and what is truly special about me will continue on as memories. If I crave permanence, I picked the wrong universe to be born into this universe cannot promise permanence to anyone.

My younger selves would be so disappointed in my current ineptitude... but my younger selves had a distorted view of life, and what is important about life. It is more important to be "morally good" than to be what the world considers to be "great". Think about all the people who are considered "great" but are actually garbage human beings.

It takes so much energy just to remain <this> pathetic... yes, I have challenges, many out of my control. But I have a wonderful habit of getting back up again every time I get knocked down, and all I have to do is to get up each time I get knocked down, and concentrate on that single act of getting back up again.

All I can do is wish for a "bolt from the blue" that will solve all my problems, then <maybe> I can have a chance to be great... yes, a "bolt from the blue" would be nice, but it is highly unlikely. It cannot be argued that a better way is to strive to be "better" and strive to "get up each time I get knocked down".

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I am just now truly learning to love myself (the butterfly hug https://emdrresearchfoundation.org/tool ... ly-hug.pdf is a do-able way of using my physicality to bring self-love and self-compassion into being).

Self-compassion is the first step to any sustainable positive change, the evidence suggests.

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What do you guys think about all this?

Cheers, peace out!

[Beany Boo]

You only have to become intermediate at defending yourself from yourself. Then all else will follow.

An effective butterfly hug is an advanced move. Seriously. Deployed at the right moment, it will defend against most threats.

For me, being great equates with both maintaining my physical mobility and not becoming an asshole, as I age. Everything else can take care of itself.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Boo, for listening and for distilling down what I should do. I think you are pretty Great, with a capital "G", but you already knew that!

[oak]

Manuel, please answer these two sets of questions. There are no trick questions.

1. Name the CEO of Ford, GM, or Chrysler.
2. Name the president in 1884.
3. Name any two kings from 1000 BCE to 500 CE.
4. Name all of your county commissioners.
5. Name any two C-level vice-presidents in your employer's parent company. Who's the comptroller? Who is the lead counsel?
6. Name the second and third people in charge of Amazon, Microsoft Telsa, and Apple.
7. Who is the president of your state's Chamber of Commerce?
8. Name the people representing you in House of Representatives.

How'd you do on the first part?

Part two:

1. Name one K-12 teacher who took an interest in you.
2. Name one friend, growing up, who was kind.
3. Name one person, in college or early in your career, who mentored you and/or gave you a chance.
4. Name one friend who has really helped you recently (in the last five years).
5. Name one person who really went out their way to help you in a moment of crisis (mental health, physical health, danger, financial).

The first batch are all "great people", and if you're anything like me, you can't name a single one in the bunch.

(Are they really great people if we don't know who they are?)

The second batch probably won't be "remarkable" enough, at least to the media or larger society, to be remembered after they pass away... but you can name them all.

Consider this: you, Manuel Moe, in your capacity as mod of this forum, have really helped me in the last eight years. Where would I have gone otherwise? Do you know how much this forum has meant, and continues to mean, for my mental health?

What's your definition of greatness?

Consider this: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46565/ozymandias

Maybe the reason we aren't long remembered after our deaths is because we aren't meant to be. Maybe our job is to be great, in the little things... little things that are really big, like modding a forum. Maybe our job is small things, and not to hold onto a fleeting greatness that we can't hold onto anyway.

[rivergirl]

Some exhausted and disjointed thoughts:

MM, you ARE great in my world. You've helped me so many times over the past years, and I believe that I've already passed along some of that kindness to others. We never know far our actions have travelled beyond our own little circle to touch other souls.

Even those who are considered to be great by many and who are not garbage people (Gandhi for example) are often expressing the spirit and work of uncounted anonymous individuals past and present who make up the movements they lead.

Oak, I thought of Ozymandias before even reading your post. Maybe we had the same high school English textbook, lol. I also thought of old Ozymandias recently when I was watching Secrets of the Saqqara Tomb on Netflix.

Keep up the good fight, Manuel Moe. Not the fight to be "great" but the fight to defend yourself against those mean voices that say your life isn't meaningful.

We're on your side!

rg

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow Oak and Rivergirl, what thoughtful and amazing and flattering replies. I am blushing...

Using the butterfly-hug as a aid to bring on self-compassion is allowing me to dig deeper. I know have tools to overcome those mean voices in my head.

Starting everything with self-compassion has been key.

Being a moderator on this forum feels Great (with a capital "G"). I have to rise up to meet you guys and what you contribute, it is good exercise for my soul.

[Beany Boo]

I don’t know how useful it will be to add this but here goes...

I think resentment is a fairly constant obstacle to self-compassion. Self-resentment and that of others; towards you and themselves.

It’s just, you don’t have to eliminate resentment before you start feeling self-compassion. They can be co-present.

Half a success is not a failure. It just means you only need another half a success.