YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I feel down.

I had some incident at work, I was sort of fishing for a compliment from my boss and didn't get it.

Sort of broke me down, made me regret the whole career path of my life. I brake down easily. I like constatntly need to be told that I am smart and helpful.

I feel that a lot of the time i'm not authentic and that I don't know how to have fun.

Hello Duck1, good to see you in the new year, but, of course, wish you weren't feeling so down.

What I do for breakdowns, currently, is use a little self-compassion. I can't generate self-compassion from my mind directly, I have to pose my body in a butterfly-hug https://www.google.com/search?q=butterfly+hug and sort of sneak-up on the feeling of self-compassion.

It is too bad you feel it so strong to need external validation from your boss, who you have previously described at not a validating type person at all. I wish I knew what to say, the process of moving from external validation to internal validation is long and difficult, in my experience.

My college years I definitely felt "I feel that a lot of the time i'm not authentic and that I don't know how to have fun." It was like I was in a prison of my own stiffness and awkwardness. That's another one that was long and difficult and also contained a major breakdown in there too, to the point that I was suicidal. I ended up just overloading the part of my brain that cared what other people thought, and fizzled-out that part of my brain. I wouldn't recommend the way I ultimately overcame it, obviously, too painful.

You deserve better than to feel so down. You have considerable self-worth with objective evidence of that worth exhibited on this very message board.

Please take care, and keep the lines of communication open. All the best to you, good to see you, I must say.

Wow, thanks!!!

Welcome back to the forum, Duck1!

I'm glad you're here but sorry you're going through a rough time.

I also relate to that feeling of needing praise from other people to feel like a good and worthwhile person. It seems to be a common theme on the forum. Therapy and learning about self-compassion have helped me to some extent but it is a long process, as Manny Moe said.

Please share more if you feel comfortable.

rivergirl

I can so relate, Duck1. Even though I have this external attitude of "I don't care what anyone thinks about me," I actually DO care when it comes to things like my job. When I put in a lot of effort, I want to be acknowledged.

This is how screwed up I am: when one of my bosses acknowledges something small that I did, I get mad because they chose to make a big deal out of it and not notice the big things I do.