YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I apologize in advance for posting again about how I'm doing. I'm experiencing one of my lowest weekends ever and am not sure why, other than perhaps the addition of steroids to the other issues I have going on. I'm also in the middle of switching antidepressants. I'd like to think some of this is medication induced but I'm afraid it isn't.

The only thing I can think to do right now is to focus on healthy sleep, eating and exercise to the extent I can. I have an extensive set of blood tests scheduled on July 3, and I think my self-care until then could affect the results. Part of me believes none of this matters any more, but I'm trying to convince myself that self-care and better test results are a goal that's still worth aiming for.

Life feels like a bad dream this weekend, one that's been going on for the past six years that I can't change or exit.

I welcome any suggestions for how to get though this next few weeks but at the same time think I've already asked for and received too much attention and help here. I partly have self-compassion and partly hate myself for not being able to figure this out by now despite therapy, medication and other support.

rg

Rivergirl!

A caveat: since you ask for "any" advice, I offer below a Dutch Uncle talk.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_uncle

If you want to spare your feelings, stop reading now. You're going to hate everything I have to say, and it may save your life.

Nothing I offer will hurt you more than the hurt you are feeling right now.

Good news/"bad" news/Good news/Going Forward

Good News

Please, by all means, post as much as you like. Not only do I take no offense to your posts or their frequency, I am glad you are posting and indeed invite you to post all the more (see below).

More good news: You are already effecting several of my recommendations (below).

"Bad" news

You recognize that you have been in a bad place for awhile, and that the next month will be especially fraught. Proceed carefully.

Also, you're going to hate some of the excellent recommendations I offer. Are you in a position to refuse any good idea?

Good news

I have several recommendations, in descending order of importance, which I estimate would reduce your anxiety by 90%.

A bold claim? Yes. Test me.

If you promptly do everything I suggest, and only experience up to 89% anxiety reduction, I will glad post that I am wrong. But I'm not wrong. In addition, I've done everything below myself. If I did each of these, you can too.

1. Decide to (a) move into your own apartment and (b) find a different counselor/therapist (other than being female, any counselor is an improvement). All you have to do is decide: say to yourself: "By August 1 [or whenever] I will have appropriate housing and counseling."

It is that easy.

2. and 3. Go find the appropriate housing and counselor. You're already doing this, so you're ahead of the game.

4. If you get 40-60% of what you want in a housing and counseling situation, consider it a success and commit to both. The only caveat is if you feel either is unsafe. But if an apartment is safe, and a counselor is licensed, that is a huge improvement on your current situation.

Frankly, you are more beggar than chooser right now regarding housing and counseling. You can be choosy later, but for now you're a beggar.

[If you are getting mad right now, Rivergirl, that is good: not that I want to antagonize you (far from it), but if you are angry that means you care. Like Luke Skywalker, use the anger.]

5. Once you decide to find appropriate housing and counseling (both of which are basically anything right now), then you need to get your mind off yourself. Ergo:

a. Continue to post in this forum. You do a fine job of this, so please continue. Encouraging others daily is recommended.

b. Go see some movies. I'd recommend at least 2 a week. Take a chance on some you may not have considered.

c. This is optional, but may really help. After you've effected 1-4 (which, start now), I highly recommend you get out of your comfort zone with movement. In descending order I'd recommend taekwando, karate or maybe tai chi. Yoga is good, but it has lots of navel gazing. You need action, not navel gazing.

Going Forward

There you have it: this is all excellent advice, frankly. You would do well to immediately implement everything I suggest.

I can keep showing up.

KISQ- keep it simple Queen

Seek the four S’s every human needs: Safety, Security, to be Seen and to be Soothed.

Commune with strangers in a low stakes activity.

“If your leg feels broken don’t try to run a marathon. If it’s healing do rehab not races.”

Not all change is happening because you’re you. It’s happening and also, you’re there.

Look for, feel and show forbidden emotions - disgust at loved ones, joy amidst tragedy, indignation at work. You’ll see things differently. Avoiding these feelings hurts.

Zazen breathing if your heart pounds while lying in bed at night. More effective than other breathing techniques.

If you feel terror, let your teeth chatter, shoulders shiver and your knees tremble. It engages the vegus nerve to burn off anxiety and brain fog. It feels ridiculous during. It feels miraculous after.

Let go of all outcomes whatsoever (knowing they’ll come flooding back at some point on their own).

Redistribute a large portion of the cause of what your experiencing to interested forces working from outside to coerce you; rather than to some intrinsic flaw in your being.

Learn to fight. Not aggressively or dispassionately. Sometimes a refreshed sense of where you won’t budge versus where you’re tired of being stuck can give you directions.

Accept your limits. You can be missing your own life trying to have one beyond your reach. Sometimes the life you want shows up when you relinquish control and let the wheels fall off.

I don’t recommend taking stupid risks or relenting to the advice of others. Risks are important though and so is letting people help you how they can. Sometimes they don’t have the means to do otherwise. Sometimes they’re just learning about you before they help you full on.

Accept defeat. So you can move onto something else based on what you’ve learnt.

That’s all I can think of at the moment.

Oh wait, don’t feel ashamed to be selfish. Practice being selfish without automatically feeling ashamed. Some selfish thoughts and behavior are vital.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Oak & Beany. You gave me much to think about and begin to act on. I'll start with Zazen breathing tonight to help calm my heart rate as the steroid seems to make it race as I'm trying to fall asleep.

Hello Rivergirl,

Oak & Beany have already posted some good stuff! They have your back... you're fortunate to have such friends!

What follows is what I wrote yesterday, but put aside....

Anyway, offered in all earnestness-

----------------------------------------------
Post as much as you need or want to, we are here to listen and offer support.

I apologize in advance for posting again about how I'm doing. I'm experiencing one of my lowest weekends ever and am not sure why, other than perhaps the addition of steroids to the other issues I have going on. I'm also in the middle of switching antidepressants. I'd like to think some of this is medication induced but I'm afraid it isn't.

Don't apologize, this is what the board is for, right?
And by all means *do not* discount a change in meds as being a factor. These are strong chemicals not placebos, and we are sensitive to them...

The only thing I can think to do right now is to focus on healthy sleep, eating and exercise to the extent I can. I have an extensive set of blood tests scheduled on July 3, and I think my self-care until then could affect the results. Part of me believes none of this matters any more, but I'm trying to convince myself that self-care and better test results are a goal that's still worth aiming for.

This does matter, and *you* matter. Don't give up on that.


Life feels like a bad dream this weekend, one that's been going on for the past six years that I can't change or exit.

Yes, it's felt like a bad dream for so many recently, and you've had real struggles lately, as you've posted. But try not to get stuck on absolutes like "can't".... It's very difficult to let go of, but getting stuck in that mindset definitely will not help you.

I welcome any suggestions for how to get though this next few weeks but at the same time think I've already asked for and received too much attention and help here. I partly have self-compassion and partly hate myself for not being able to figure this out by now despite therapy, medication and other support.

Keep posting here for the next few weeks, and we'll answer, for what it's worth. And some things can't be 'figured out" as if there's a magic bullet. Life is hard, we're complicated, and many things just seem to need management...

rg

Rivergirl,

I hope you are feeling better. Remember, it's okay to feel however you want to feel. Go easy on yourself like you would a friend who was in a rough patch. Things will get better...just like they always do eventually.

RiverGirl!

I'm glad my suggestions gave you some comfort.

I wanted to follow up, not only to wish you a better weekend that we're about to have, but also to say this:

I am very much indeed doing, currently, many of the same things I so categorically recommended for you. I say that because I don't want to be the kind of man or person who isn't willing to do what they suggest to others.

Put another way, you are not alone indeed.

Good luck this weekend. Let us know how you do.

BTW, on a little lighter note: if you have Netflix and want to have a warm chuckle, I recommend the movie "Then Came You". The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is set at 100%, but that shouldn't deter you.

Know that you are the best, Rivergirl. We have objective evidence that you are a cool person who deserves better than the hand she was dealt.

Contemplate the word "Resilience" and think about who is in the driver's seat in your life, it should be your higher, most integrated self that is in the driver's seat. The other voices and the fragments of self that sometimes occupy the driver's seat should be gently put back into the back seat.

It doesn't have to be perfect, and you deserve for you to be compassionate to yourself.

Thank you all so much for the kind and thoughtful responses. I plan to reply this evening.

I have a ticket for a museum exhibit today and decided I should go even though I woke up with my usual weekend struggle. I was scheduled to go to the exhibit right before Covid happened, and it will be ending a week from now. I don't know exactly why but it seems better to follow through and try to attend.

Thanks again for being here.

rg

Yes! Way to go!

Tell us what you saw!



SD