YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

it is funny, when i think about saying "I'm doing my best", i always think of it as a negative...

"my best isn't good enough", "my best is pathetic", "my best leave so much undone"...

but my therapist said every time i can truthfully say "I'm doing my best" i should have a celebration, because that is a wonderful thing

i still feel like an idiot ...but i will try to celebrate every time i do my very best

manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑November 11th, 2021, 10:37 am it is funny, when i think about saying "I'm doing my best", i always think of it as a negative...

"my best isn't good enough", "my best is pathetic", "my best leave so much undone"...

but my therapist said every time i can truthfully say "I'm doing my best" i should have a celebration, because that is a wonderful thing

i still feel like an idiot ...but i will try to celebrate every time i do my very best

Whenever I say, “I’ll do my best” I think of it as a promise to myself; a promise that I know I can keep.

Don’t beat yourself up, man… the world does enough of that anyway.

Thank you for sharing, Manuel Moe.

And yes, please listen to your therapist’s excellent advice!

manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑November 11th, 2021, 10:37 am it is funny, when i think about saying "I'm doing my best", i always think of it as a negative...

"my best isn't good enough", "my best is pathetic", "my best leave so much undone"...

but my therapist said every time i can truthfully say "I'm doing my best" i should have a celebration, because that is a wonderful thing

i still feel like an idiot ...but i will try to celebrate every time i do my very best

Holy Hell, That's exactly how I've been feeling lately, Like "Da fuck dude, You really aren't good enough when you are trying your best." Appreciate this post, I should be celebrating when I say I'm doing my best as well.

It sounds like the full sentence is:

“I am doing my best; which is to say, I am about to feel really awful.”

I accept that you can feel awful regularly and still be doing your best. They’re not mutually exclusive.

Your best can be a very small and terrible thing, and still be a power in the world.

Are you saying it in your head? It might work better if you say it out loud with your arms raised.

Or just, “BEST!!!!” then throw an imaginary bottle into the air and shoot it with your fingers. Instead of shattering it turns into flower petals that float away on the breeze like musical notes.

Too much…? Sorry, I don’t mean to sound glib.

Beany Boo wrote: ↑November 15th, 2021, 3:11 pm Are you saying it in your head? It might work better if you say it out loud with your arms raised.

Or just, “BEST!!!!” then throw an imaginary bottle into the air and shoot it with your fingers. Instead of shattering it turns into flower petals that float away on the breeze like musical notes.

Speaking of "best", you're the best, Beany!

I have another idea.

How would you define “best” in a particular situation?

Best is rather subjective as a way of measuring success.

When I’m weight training, I can look at the data I recorded for my previous session, and try to do better than last time. If I do, the app I’m using for tracking progress makes a “ta-da!” type of sound & confetti animation. It works for me, and I get a sense of accomplishment from it.

What if, next time you start thinking “I’ll do my best” you instead think, “I’ll do better than last time”? Or maybe even just, “I’ll do better.”

If “best” isn’t measurable, maybe it’s an impossible standard to reach anyway.

RightInTwo wrote: ↑November 16th, 2021, 10:12 am What if, next time you start thinking “I’ll do my best” you instead think, “I’ll do better than last time”? Or maybe even just, “I’ll do better.”
If “best” isn’t measurable, maybe it’s an impossible standard to reach anyway.

That is a good idea, RightInTwo.

Maybe that is the way to go, have an expectation based on the past, meet it or exceed it, and if I exceed it then I know I am doing my best.

Right now I am having a hard time telling by very best apart from my very worst...

( )

I guess it stems from my youth when I was convinced (without any evidence) that I was "special" and I was "destined for great things". Keeping that dream alive meant a lot of self-hatred, because it was simply "laziness" that was keeping me down. Also, I was waiting on some bolt out of the blue to make me suddenly a hard worker, and then the world would then start treating me with the respect that I knew I deserved.

I still have the habits from living that lie in my youth.

I guess it stems from not seeing myself as inherently worthy: I would only be worthy after I finally became "special" in the eyes of the world.

<closes-eyes> I am inherently worthy, just as I am.

Self-compassion and being-gentle-with-myself and focusing on sustainability are the way to go, logically. I just have to practice and use a bit of EMDR to really feel it through my whole brain and body.

You just brought me an insight: For you, the internal accusation is “lazy,” which got me thinking… what’s my accusation? Mine is “stupid.” I don’t even know where that came from; I did well in school. I don’t remember anyone calling me stupid, but somehow, that became part of my self loathing.

Our younger selves must have been extraordinarily sensitive, and somehow picked up these toxic ideas and kept them as if they were treasured gifts.

Judging by the order within which they appear and the emotions attached, the words “my best” are possibly the main words in a traumatic (seconds long) scene that you keep reliving.

Someone, who held your fate at one time, used those words, in a profane way, to manipulate you into complying, against your will. They were most likely oblivious to what they were doing to you; drawing you into their own trauma cycle.

You do in all likelihood continue to be special. And your best is probably something of a profound nature. It does not equate to a ‘use-value’ or capacity to comply to trauma-promoting life pressures.