YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

wow, eye-opening therapy session today

here's a little brain dump...

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i have focus challenges in that: i have a challenging time making my focus match my highest aspirations

so notice that i changed focus in positive way, when it happens, and it does happen

celebrate that i did that

slow it down in anticipation of negative judgmental angry self-talk, just being the observer of breathing and body posture as well as thoughts

if it was my daughter, how would i proceed, [1] positive motivation and [2] planning and [3] breaking things down and [4] removing negative connotations and judgements [[[being compassionate cheerleader]]]

also, working backwards from my highest aspirations, in concrete terms

This is very good.

Let us know how this goes.

part of this is removing the shame response (downward spiral) when my focus doesn't happen to match my highest aspirations

frankly, it feels like a huge burden being lifted from my shoulders (really!)

self-compassion isn't just a round-about way to punish myself with guilt and shame

self-compassion is all about realism about my challenges

getting real is about how my challenges and what i hope to be my highest aspirations can co-exist in this really-existing world

manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑January 13th, 2022, 8:17 am getting real is about how my challenges and what i hope to be my highest aspirations can co-exist in this really-existing world

Beautifully put.

Thank you, Beany.

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I will mourn the highest aspirations that don't match my capabilities (capabilities like my ability to control exquisitely my focus on my goals, my mind just doesn't work that way)

It sounds like you spend a lot of time in survival mode. It’s difficult to set goals there that aren’t about how to run away from dinosaurs better. In other words, goals where you anticipate and control outcomes, ignore other people who aren’t helping you flee, in order to live through an experience you haven’t chosen, seem like the only options.

Getting yourself out of survival mode, might look something like… if you stop running the dinosaur stops chasing. You run, she runs. You stop, she stops.

You’re very good at saying where you are, psychologically.

No one finds it easy to set goals in survival mode. When you manage to spend more time outside of it, it won’t erase the history you’ve accumulated or reset you to a time when things were “normal”. But you will be able to articulate goals that are desired experiences; ones that aren’t on a short timer, that don’t have to happen a certain way, that you don’t have to drop the moment a threat looms, that you can have many tries at to get it the way you want, that you can let go of without the fear you won’t see it again, where you can fail at it without getting eaten!

If you do decide to keep setting goals it might be worth adding the caveat to them, “this goal does not make sense while immersed in survival mode”. It’s just to remind yourself not to work on it, when you see the surface of a glass of water ripple.

“My two cents”.

Excellent analysis, Beany.

I still blame myself for being in “survival mode”

I will make efforts to stop blaming myself for being in Survival Mode, be more compassionate to myself

I am searching for space to Flourish, not just Survive

This reminds me of what you’re working with; google YouTube ‘Jon Kabat-Zinn Defines Mindfulness’

Beany Boo wrote: ↑January 16th, 2022, 5:30 pm This reminds me of what you’re working with; google YouTube ‘Jon Kabat-Zinn Defines Mindfulness’

Wow, great stuff, thanks Beany (you are the resident Zen Master of the forum )