Complex feelings: Superstorm Sandy.

[oak]

“Hate” is a strong word, but I hate Superstorm Sandy.

I’m only as sick as my secrets, so I’d like to post here in the coming days to excavate (exhume?) my memories of Sandy and that summer/fall. This emotional exhumation is precipitated (ha!) by the fact I took a print book out from the library about it, and am just starting it.

Sandy itself was wholly bad, but I made some better choices from that experience (edit: I was so wholly unprepared that, having survived Sandy by luck, I learned to be something of a prep person going forward. Or, at least a vague plan to get up and go in the case of a future crisis [this prep mindset REALLY helped me weather the Covid lockdown ten years later- more about that anon].)

2012 was a difficult but pivotal year for me.

I reached bottom earlier that year: I found out where the actual “end of my rope” was: I reached it. (Happily I have many more resources nowadays, including joining this dear forum early the next year. I was in my way in 2013, but in the weeds in 2012.)

While none of this story is tawdry or immoral, I was emotionally stunted in 2012. I was not ready for that storm. Maybe the storm is like a metaphor. Except it was also really freakin’ real: all too real! Man, I hate Sandy.

I have lots of feelings and memories about 2012. With your kind indulgence I’ll post more here.

Thank you for listening.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak, I am extremely interested to hear your story on this. We got very little news here in regards to this but I was aware of it as some of my international book group were effected.

If it is ok and you feel able can I hear your story on this?

[oak]

Sure, MentalFairy. Thanks for asking.

A primer
What happened to me in 2012
Praxis in 2020
The lesson, if I can learn it

A primer:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Sandy

What happened to me in 2012

[*]Though I was four years happily sober, by 2012 I was barely employable, and living with my parents.
[*]Having made zero preparations, when the storm was arriving the sky was a revolting greenish-orange. This is very close: https://www.color-hex.com/color/edf9e7
[*](I am still revolted, ten years later, by the memory of the color of the sky that afternoon.)
[*]As soon as I walked outside that afternoon, the large change in air pressure immediately gave me a 24-hour flu. I can't describe it, but the air pressure made me sick.
[*]Later that same day, I vividly remember the power going out that first night, and my very first smartphone, having the battery die immediately afterwards. I had no plan.
[*]It was a big ass storm that night, and the power was out for two or three days.
[*]I was chastened.

Praxis in 2020

Storms destroy, of course, but they also cleanse:

I was cleansed of illusions, limitations that I had to be passive in the face of crisis.

Eight years later, by mid-January 2020, I had figured out that they would close society. I maneuvered myself to weather the coming societal lockdown. Whatever the lack in my preparations, I immediately took action as soon as I guessed what might happen. The best time to face a crisis is now.

This was a one-to-one relationship of modest but effective prep for Covid lockdowns vis a vis zero preparation for Sandy.

The lesson, if I can learn it

I survived a big storm and a pandemic.

I don't earn enough. This is, for me individually, just as dangerous as a storm or pandemic.

Just like the storm wasn't going to magically go away, what do I owe myself to avoid/mitigate other looming crises?

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Oak

Having never lived through a storm of that magnitude i am in awe of your movement forward. You have really come a long way. The fact you can process your changes over time i great. Some just don't take the time to reflect.
Storm season here is currently in process and it is generally a tornado here and there.

I am unsure of your news feeds there on New Zealand current events but something i wish to highlight is how an event such as that can change people in ways so deeply that it effects every aspect of their lives.
Christchurch earthquake 2011 changed our country in ways i can't explain. That day i was working in a South Island pediatric clinic for dental treatment. We dealt with general day to day dental issues for minors, however we also covered abuse cases.
This is still the only clinic in our country that deals with this issue and the need is massive.

It was around lunchtime and i put my coffee cup down in the staff room. The building i worked in was being fully restored. Red brick 107 year old historic places trust took care of it.
I heard a rumble that was also effecting my ear drums then the shake began. Keeping in mind Christchurch is a 6 hour drive from where i was in Dunedin.
Looking up i saw the buildings on the other side of the street go one way and our building the other. Being three stories high the building just moved like liquid. Immediately everyone in the room said out loud 'Christchurch'. Why? Only days before they had an earthquake during the night and it was a warning of more to come. The fault line is large through the south island.

You would think we would dive for cover but none of us did for some reason. It soon stopped and we began the clean up. The building wasn't badly damaged. However, Christchurch was brought to the ground. Many died and all we could do was watch from afar as liquefaction made reaching the city impossible. Rail lines gone, airport, roads and farms made impossible to access.

I was flying out to USA a week later and missed a lot of the aftermath. On our return back to New Zealand we needed to drive the length of the county to get back to our original home in Taranaki. Upon arriving in the Christchurch area my son saw the areas known as the red zone. We stopped at some points in the area we could access to see if we could help in the public cleanup. My son being young at the time thought it was a large movie set. Trying to explain to him this was real and lives were changed forever he really struggled to understand the devastation that was caused from the earthquake we felt just further south. He was playing in the playground at school and said the field turned into liquid.

Fast forward four months i was back in the clinic in Dunedin assisting in putting the young faces back together of the children effected by the earthquake. Your thinking way wait four months to repair injury? The injuries sustained to the young children were beatings. They were from parents and caregivers whom lost it all. They lost homes, businesses, money, loved ones and in some cases their minds.
We went to having the occasional child abuse case to a plethora of cases. Young ones not understanding the loss and why their parents couldn't replace items or why the family were struggling in a financial way. The children were suffering slaps across the face, to beaten with objects. Sex abuse also became a factor.
That one event, and the pre earthquake put people on edge. When the big one hit it took the lives and minds of many.

There is two books that came out after this event that really blew my brain cells : Decline and Fall Of Savage Street by Fiona Farrell - the narrator of the book is the house. The house tells the story of its life span. From the design to the fall during the earthquake. It tells the story of the lives that were in it and the eel in the creek beside the home. I build my garden at home in remembrance to this book.

The other book is; We Can Make a Life by Chessie Henry. Told from the perspective of a local girls father who is a Doctor during the earthquake. This book will show you the power of the mind when it comes to disaster.

When it comes to the planet and the process of an almost rebirth through natural disaster, there is huge fall out on many paths. We live and we learn. And if we don't live we just die inside.

[manuel_moe_g]

Fast forward four months i was back in the clinic in Dunedin assisting in putting the young faces back together of the children effected by the earthquake. Your thinking way wait four months to repair injury? The injuries sustained to the young children were beatings. They were from parents and caregivers whom lost it all. They lost homes, businesses, money, loved ones and in some cases their minds.
We went to having the occasional child abuse case to a plethora of cases. Young ones not understanding the loss and why their parents couldn't replace items or why the family were struggling in a financial way. The children were suffering slaps across the face, to beaten with objects. Sex abuse also became a factor.

Too horrible. I don't know what to say.

[manuel_moe_g]

The lesson, if I can learn it
I survived a big storm and a pandemic.
I don't earn enough. This is, for me individually, just as dangerous as a storm or pandemic.
Just like the storm wasn't going to magically go away, what do I owe myself to avoid/mitigate other looming crises?

https://www.nightingale.com/authors/earl-nightingale/lead-field.html

this audio program was inspiring to me, directly related to earning and succeeding

[Bstefcorbin]

Hi Oak,
I take it you are from the NJ shore, as am I. My mother in law lost her home in that storm. Up by Sandy Hook where I lived we went with out power 13 + 1/2 days. Remember it snowed the day after? 60 miles west where I grew up, no one understood what was happening, expecting me to come to a baby shower that Sat. No one was prepared for that. I know generator sales got a tremendous boost, as they did folliwing the ice storm in 1992. Its good that you appreciate the importance of saving for the rainy day now. So many of us (including me) fall victim to the “ it won’t happen to me bias” ignoring their health and other things. For some personality disorders, failing to plan for the future is a diagnostic symptom. I give you credit for learning from a traumatic event; that was an act of God, as they say. You have resilience, which is better than a wall of toilet paper. I do not mean to diminish the concern about $$ you are feeling at all, its huge. Yet, the stock market crash is a reminder that finances can be wiped out along with coastlines, no matter how diligent we are at the game of life. Compassion for oneself should be part of the plan.

[oak]

Storm season here is currently in process and it is generally a tornado here and there.

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing such a thoughtful reply. There is much to it, more than I can post here. I am saddened to hear that the young people and children take events like this are hit the hardest. They have such pure hearts.

By the way, your earthquake experience, and the resultant abuse you treated, is well deserving of its own thread, if you have time.

Also, my two cents about your quote above: with any big storm possibility, or any potential crisis, the time to decide what to do is now. I encourage you to discuss with your husband and son about if/when y'all would escape a coming crisis: tornado, hurricane, nuclear meltdown.

As a powerful example of effecting an immediate decision, I offer this brief video, of Henry Winkler (the Fonz) telling a family story about the importance of timing, in this case, of escaping the Holocaust.

https://youtu.be/h3YLj0Sposc?t=99

https://www.nightingale.com/authors/earl-nightingale/lead-field.html

this audio program was inspiring to me, directly related to earning and succeeding

Manuel Moe! A man after my own heart, recommending Earl Nightengale. Yes, "Lead the Field" is a treasure. I can't recite from memory long stretches of it (like I can with his "The Strangest Secret"), but I estimate I've listened to "Lead the Field" several hundred times over the last 5-10 years. So good.

~~TW: 9/11 reference~~

I take it you are from the NJ shore, as am I.

Bstefcorbin: thank you for posting, and a good guess! I did enjoy NJ very much when I was there, especially the Monmouth area. I found it to be a diverse, vibrant, welcoming area.

(It turns out that then lived in the area that has the sad distinction of the only area that had all three of: (1) the exteme end of Sandy (which still sucked!) (2) the remnants of Katrina, which even 1000 miles away was a massive amount of rain (3) the place Flight 93 turned around. To my home area's credit, we did create the 12 step movement!)

Thank you for the encouragement regarding accepting oneself as we prepare for crisis: compassion for oneself is indeed the foundation of making it out of any mess.