YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi friends.

I struggle with anxiety and regret on Saturdays.

Too often, I don't shower/shave/wear clean clothes until the afternoon. Every time this gets me.

Then, Saturday nights are lonely.

I'm ashamed to say this, but here goes:

At 46, I've had girlfriends for a total of 6 months, maybe a year (I am intensely ashamed to say that).

I'd always enjoy taking them out Friday night for dinner. Saturday we'd go do something fun.

It was so natural.

I don't know why I'm saying this. But there it is.

Hi Oak,

I think our posts must have just crossed.

Clearly you're not alone in struggling with Saturdays. Being alone when you don't want to be and you know that others are with their partners and families can be extremely painful.

Please don't be ashamed about your relationship history. I think it's probably difficult to form relationships (or in my case, to sustain a marriage) when you don't grow up in a healthy family environment.

Sending you warm thoughts and good wishes for some relief this evening.

rivergirl

Oak, I love your honesty. Admire you for that. Do you feel ready to date? If the opportunity occurred would you be your best self?
I ask this as I have seen or read how much progress your making thus far. Maybe a slight change in routine on Saturday might help the mindset shift a little. Even if it’s just a morning walk before a shower? Get the brain to feel a little positive shift before a shower?

Just a thought?

Thank you both, RiverGirl and Mental Fairy, for not only your encouragement (which I definitely appreciate!) but also for letting me get one of my darkest secrets out.

And not only does such a exposed secret not drive friends away, it demonstrated your care. We're all a little more human.

rivergirl wrote: ↑August 13th, 2022, 2:51 pm Please don't be ashamed about your relationship history. I think it's probably difficult to form relationships (or in my case, to sustain a marriage) when you don't grow up in a healthy family environment.

Thank you for posting, RiverGirl.

I think you are right: at the risk of getting Freudian, I think there are real consequences to having a cold, distant mother. I had all sorts of negative energy, as a tiny baby and little boy, surrounding the feminine. This generational curse gets transmitted.

The unprocessed trauma ends with me.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑August 13th, 2022, 10:14 pm Do you feel ready to date? If the opportunity occurred would you be your best self?

Thank you for such a profound and searching question as to how I can be my best self. Just asking myself this is scary! But I'll journal about it this week.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑August 13th, 2022, 10:14 pm Maybe a slight change in routine on Saturday might help the mindset shift a little. Even if it’s just a morning walk before a shower? Get the brain to feel a little positive shift before a shower?

Thank you, also, Mental Fairy, for the above. I have a plan, for the upcoming Saturday to either go to the grocery store or coffeeshop after showering and shaving. I'll post with an update then.

Friends, thanks again for letting me be real here. These are difficult matters.

How I can identify with this brother:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWayWeWere/comments/wkuyhu/woodcutter_spending_his_saturday_night_at_a_bar/

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWayWeWere/comments/wkuyhu/woodcutter_spending_his_saturday_night_at_a_bar/

Kind of a sad picture, but the comment stream is funny!

Have you seen the Cat Herders commercial from years ago?
https://youtu.be/vTwJzTsb2QQ

SD

Word, SnoringDog.

Friends!

Because I followed your excellent advice, yesterday (Saturday) went well.

I showered, shaved, wore clean clothes, avoided hunger, and timed my Buspar. I felt fine, and even had a moment of happiness/contentment.

You may not be surprised to hear that today, Sunday, decided to kick my butt: I woke up with anxiety and loneliness. I mis-timed my Buspar. I am drinking ice water and holding on.

My life is very lonely.

Be strong, law of averages and instant karma will turn things around for you, honor to call you friend and brother

I'm sorry that old weekend heartache decided to show up on Sunday this time, Oak. Take care of yourself as you start your new week, and remember that you have good friends here.

rg

Oak, my friend, you can have a world of people and still feel lonely. Even if some people are under your roof or under a tent.
You kicked arse on Saturday. The smile that came across my face reading that you made such a change was awesome. Your win was a huge reward for you and others whom know you here.
Sunday rough, that’s ok but not ok. It will happen from time to time. Don’t let it out balance the pros of Saturday.
When you feel that way and your struggling with energy to deal with that lonely feeling what do you think could lighten that feeling? Hobby?? Is there something that could help in the short term?
Is there local things happening that you could attend at no cost? Markets? Something you find interest in?
Writing? You are so dam good at expressing yourself and it’s so well put that maybe you could write to someone? Or yourself? The old school way? Pen pal? Heck I would happily put my hand up for old school pen pals. Art? Photography…..ohh I just had an idea. When you feel lonely or worried like you did on Sunday please go outside and find something interesting to photograph. It can be absolutely anything that’s interesting and post it. If helping you takes even a little bit of that feeling off your mind then it’s worth it. Pet project!

manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑August 21st, 2022, 3:11 pm Be strong, law of averages and instant karma will turn things around for you, honor to call you friend and brother

Thank you, Manuel Moe! I was hoping things would get less-bad, and they did.

rivergirl wrote: ↑August 21st, 2022, 6:10 pm ... and remember that you have good friends here.

Thank you, RiverGirl. And thank you for being honest about your weekend-struggles: they helped give me space to admit to my own.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑August 21st, 2022, 10:09 pm You kicked arse on Saturday. The smile that came across my face reading that you made such a change was awesome. Your win was a huge reward for you and others whom know you here.

Thank you, Mental Fairy! This is a big encouragement.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑August 21st, 2022, 10:09 pm Is there local things happening that you could attend at no cost? Markets? Something you find interest in?

We are thinking alike, Mental Fairy: I had been thinking the same thing. As soon as I saw this suggestion I googled local free/low-cost events, and have put them into my phone's calendar with automatic email reminders.

Larger picture, I'm going to create its own thread with short/mid/long term plans.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑August 21st, 2022, 10:09 pm When you feel lonely or worried like you did on Sunday please go outside and find something interesting to photograph. It can be absolutely anything that’s interesting and post it. If helping you takes even a little bit of that feeling off your mind then it’s worth it. Pet project!

Yes, Mental Fairy, I will do so, effectively immediately. Can you make any recommendations on how to get photos onto this forum?