YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I am 40 years old, male, depressed all my life, suffering from anxiety all my life, specifically social anxiety and anxiety around romantic relationship.

Had my biggest breakdown at the age of 25, that was when I got serious about getting professional help and taking medication and changing the trajectory of my life.

I am married now, our little family includes a smart and silly daughter. Our little house is loud with contention, fighting, sarcasm and criticism, but also laughter and warmth and taking about feelings and life goals and moral principals. I feel lucky, considering my profound isolation in college.

The biggest help to me has been Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Prozac had a big effect on me, and was a life changer, but the effect diminished to practically nothing. I take Neurontin and Effexor, and I don't wish to modify my medication or dosages, because I am quite stable now (still have what I would describe as manageable depression and anxiety, manageable with treating myself with cognitive behavior therapy).

Haven't had great long-term experiences with therapists, so I haven't seen one in years.

My challenge currently is staying productive while in a depressed state. I am terrified that all my dreaming of accomplishments was nothing more than a distraction, because I cannot turn any of my goals into motivation. My temptation is to barely push myself at all, and give in to any distraction or time-wasting amusement, and then just sleep my life away.