CPAP: another apnea adjunct.

[oak]

Friends, tomorrow I receive my CPAP.

Sleep apnea is life and death.

With your kind indulgence, I'll have a flurry (this week), then trickle (that next month) of posts of (1) prepping for its arrival (2) initial setup (3) first efforts to try (4) early successes and setbacks (5) regrouping and trying new methods if indicated (6) final evaluation (7) happily ever after or Plan B.

Much of the pressure is off, for two reasons:

1. I was in a clinical trial for a positive pressure appliance six months ago, and worked through, back then, the anxiety aspects of stuff on my face/neck while sleeping.

(That device, clever as it is, didn't work for me, but keeping in mind that my moral hero is Goldilocks, we all stayed cool.)

2. My weight is down to 210, and I vividly remember not having sleep apnea at 200. CPAP may be indicated at any weight, and frequently is, but my guess is that my sleep apnea is closely correlated (and perhaps caused!) by weight.

This is Sunday morning, and the CPAP technician will be by first thing Monday morning.

I'll have several more posts today, and plenty tomorrow.

Thanks for listening, friends!

[rivergirl]

Wishing you luck, Oak.

It's promising that you have two different approaches to try to conquer your sleep apnea.

[Mental Fairy]

The CPAP week is upon you Oak, all the best with the new arrival. Somewhat exciting this end!

[oak]

Thank you RiverGirl and Mental Fairy!

Having prepped yesterday (1 of 7, above), I received it first thing this morning with an initial setup by the friendly technician (step 2 of 7).

I'll try it soon, but for now, much like "Free Parking" in Monopoly, I'm going to rest a moment and appreciate that we* got this far.

*Me, everyone reading this, my primary care physician, and especially my new sleep doctor who actually got stuff done.

More updates soon!

[oak]

Friends!

I breaking step 3, (3) first efforts to try, into smaller, more explicit, and more manageable chunks. First, a word about staying cool.

Cool

I'll move with intention in effecting the CPAP, but not urgency or frenzied hurry. I'm going to stay nice and cool. I'll be one cool cat:

https://media.giphy.com/media/2SYc7mttUnWWaqvWz8/giphy.gif

While my moral hero is Goldilocks, my coolness mentors are these highly respected brothers and sisters:

The Black Pumas, "Colors"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0G383538qzQ&ab_channel=BlackPumasVEVO

You'll note, please, there is no panic, no upset.

The Plan

3a. Review the sleep center's 10 page handout on sleep apnea and CPAP.

3b. Review the 20 page owner's manual for CPAP. (My goal for tonight, before I watch Monday Night Football as a reward.)

3c. Review Dr. Reddit and Dr. Google advice for "getting used to a CPAP". (Tuesday night goal)

3d. Strictly for funsies, I'll wear the CPAP, which I'll understand more about by then, for increasing increments: 5 minutes, 15 minutes, etc up to an hour or two (Wednesday and Thursday goals).

3e. Letting go of all expectations (read: shaming from my own mind), I'll see how long I can wear it Friday night into Saturday morning.

That, my friends, will get me pretty well through step 3 of 7. Updates as indicated!

[Mental Fairy]

Shit Oak I’m more excited than you are! I’m super interested to know how this works for you. Manuel Moe I believe has experience so it’s nice to know you have someone with a true knowing of how this is feeling for you.
More impressive is how far you have come.

I’m so so so keen to know how you go. It might be hard to start but this is change for a positive reason.

Mental hugs my amazing friend

[oak]

Thank you (1) Mental Fairy for your infectious excitement and (2) Manuel Moe for your tick solidarity. Both of these encouragements proved prescient today:

The good news

Strictly for funsies, I got through step 3d of my most recent post.

I set up the machine, paired the app, and figured out (eventually) the mask.

I do admit that it tried my patience, I probably should have ended sooner. Sometimes I push myself, even when my conscience encourages me to temporarily back off. This life can be so difficult.

I'm glad I took a sick day to take my time to get into this, since I figure that nothing is important for my health than sleep apnea.

So much for the good news today.

I want to cry, but I'm too numb

I have no trouble crying when moved. Yay!

If I could cry (is this a man thing, to have trouble with this?) when overwhelmed and sad, I would have been on the floor sobbing this evening.

In addition to finding a tick (how often does that happen?), this evening the plastic lining from my slow cooker split, burning my leg and spraying wonderful vegetables all over my floor, counter, and sink.

And then a fly came in, annoying me.

It is funny how one little thing, after a bunch of other downers, can sometimes precipitate the quickest of meltdowns.

And the one night when I want to be most calm (so I can be all cool like as I try to fall asleep with the CPAP).

This life is a lot sometimes, friends.

But I haven't given up hope, and remind myself of why a CPAP is a good opportunity. After trying the CPAP for a few minutes or hour at bedtime tonight, tomorrow I'll regroup. I just get so sad and lonely sometimes.

[manuel_moe_g]

Be strong, you are worth it.

in therapy i am learning about the vagus nerve, using it to feel deep calm and vanish away anxiety

i will report back

give yourself several nights to get used to CPAP machine

not a failure to find you wake in morning and you have removed CPAP mask during night

4 good hours of sleep with CPAP machine gives 90% of the benefit

you are on a journey to get more out of life, you have a good plan

please take care, Oak

[Mental Fairy]

Look up Huberman Lab podcast. The nerve is so amazing when you know how to settle it down.

[oak]

Thank you, Mental Fairy, for the recommendation!

I want to hear more about calming my poor vagus nerve, so I've created a thread: https://mentalpodforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=16931

Many thanks Manuel Moe for your CPAP insight and encouragement. Your very post went a long way to calming and encouraging me. Specifically...

Happy update!

Friends, I am happy to report that I didn't have much/any anxiety about the mask on my face when trying it while trying to fall asleep. I was able to breathe, turn, and above all be cool.

I let go of expectations and shaming, and instead strictly did it all for fun. I wore it for 1.5 hours, and I think I fell asleep.

I, really we, accomplished Tuesday what I hoped to accomplish Friday. Life is better when we stick together.

What I did well

1. Remember the Viktor Frankl quote in my forum signature, I envisioned specific days/events/experiences next year going better because I'm cured of sleep apnea.

What I can improve on

1. Improve my sleep hygiene . Screens off at 9 pm, in bed at 10 pm, so I can wind down earlier so I can ease, all cool like, into naturally falling asleep.

2. Remember my goals, and Manuel Moe's advice, and give myself plenty of time. If a night doesn't go well, I'll just shut it off; I'll be laughing about it the next night. No expectations. Just cool.

More updates soon. Thanks for listening!