Grief I feel right now

[Beany Boo]

I guess one way is to look at these memories and ask,‘why now?’

What is it about this present moment that brings those particular memories back? And what are they trying to show?

The answers are probably not ready. But memories form for a reason.

From my own experience I would say don’t reach for the answer. It’s definitely coming. And, respect the substance and import of the memory. But it sounds like that is the plan.

From what I can glean, I think it is for the self-hatred to ease and maybe stop, without losing any capacity for strong, deep and possibly gentle feeling.

If I am hitting the mark then, please trust me when I say, I get it.

(Not a therapist)

[Mental Fairy]

Well said beany. Yes, the answer is coming and Manuel Moe will need to process this. That part is like navigating white water.
I wish you strength Manuel Moe and much self forgiveness.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hi Beany and Mental Fairy!

Yeah, not excited about talking to my sister about this, but i think it is more an issue of forgiving myself. I really doubt it has the same depth of meaning to my sister as it does for me.

my habitual action has been to hate on my younger selves inside of me

[oak]

Agreed with Mental Fairy: very well said, BeanyBoo. Very prescient and wise.

Please keep us posted, Manuel Moe. We are pulling for you.

[Mental Fairy]

Manuel Moe, it will absolutely have an effect on your sister. Put the shoe on the other foot my friend.

Let’s say your sister came to you and told you that she was so sorry for not jumping in to help you at a time of need. The emotions that would come up for you would be interesting.
Depends on her personality.
Personally I would see it as deeply moving and insightful at how you are working on yourself. It takes far greater courage to work on ones self than it does on others.

It’s admirable and encouraging to see your progress and your steps forward you are making.

Who knows, maybe she would have something to say sorry about also!

[Beany Boo]

my habitual action has been to hate on my younger selves inside of me

The work you’ve been reporting back on that is great

[manuel_moe_g]

watch this space, will write a "letter never to be sent" to my sister, apologizing for letting her down when i froze when my bully pushed my sister into the water

maybe will send a different letter to her later, but i need to work through a <lot> of stuff first, and will do so in a letter that i write to my sister, knowing in the back of my head that this letter will not be sent to her

[oak]

maybe will send a different letter to her later, but i need to work through a <lot> of stuff first…

We will stand by you, Manuel Moe.

[rivergirl]

Hi MM,

I would feel honored to hear more about the letter never to be sent when you write it, if you feel like sharing.

rg