YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

(Content warning: this post has an unpopular opinion about food, and mentions family shaming.)

Friends, permit me to be wrong:

Speaking strictly for myself, food is love.

All my life I was told "Food is not love". They were subject and I was object.

That was then. I am redefining "now".

Again I say: for me, food is love.

Deal.

Why I say this

A year ago this past week I became estranged from my family of origin.

Here was how things went in my family:

I say the wrong thing: I am shamed.

I say the right thing: I am shamed.

I say nothing: I am somehow even more wrong, perhaps doubly wrong.

Can I ask of you, my friends here in the present, to be wrong?

I mean, I'm not sure if I even believe that food is love. I almost certainly don't care if food is love.

I told my mental health counselor that one (of many) reasons I appreciate her professional counseling skill is that she gives me space to be wrong.

To say things I don't believe.

To say things I don't wholly believe.

To say things I don't care about.

Please note

I don't say "food is love" to be contrary: I don't want to bring anyone down.

I do say "food is love" to take a stand, however small, to say that I matter enough to have a stance, even if that stance that is wrong.

Hi Oak, interesting topic my friend.

Food is so many things, it’s a weapon, it’s evil, it’s beautiful, it’s life changing, it’s a healer and it’s love. And in some aspects it’s deadly.

Now I feel I have to type what I’m thinking the moment I read your post.

Family can be used as a weapon, it can be evil, it can be beautiful and life changing even if it doesn’t come from the same blood group. It’s also a healer and it can show love.

I think it comes down to the balance and the components of the food, the family member/s and the intention behind it.

Grandpa taught me how to cook and it’s a love I had with her that made our relationship stronger, beautiful and Inquisitive. He Sunday meals were made with love. Sadly most of the family at the table were toxic so it took the joy away from the meal.

Sometimes beautiful food should be eaten with only those you care for. Otherwise the most beautiful meal becomes toxic.

I don't feel any need to shame you, Oak.

Food has definitely been love to me at times.

I loved your comments, MF. What type of food did your grandmother cook for your family?

Oh nanas cooking was incredible, it made me feel like home when I walked into her kitchen. Every cupboard was full of fresh baking. Shortbread, ginger crunch, butterfly cakes, all sorts. Her meals where very British. Nana went to the ends of the earth to make her meals, Yorkshire pudding was a weekly thing, with rice gravy and vegetables fresh from the garden. We had a massive garden, we just didn’t know there was barrows of agent orange under it at that stage. When it was tested due to the closure of the factory next door we were notified we were possibly going to be effected by it. Boy were they right.
Fresh peas from the pod and honey roasted carrots. Only had desert really at Xmas. Pavlova and trifle. She made all her own dressings, mint sauce, every fruit was preserved. Nothing was wasted. Even the potato and kumera skins were made into chips.

Parsnip cake, beetroot cake……oh i could type forever about her! I have all her recipe books all hand written. Absolutely love them.

Gosh that brings back memories.

Do you have any family favourites Manuel Moe?