therapy session 11-15-2022

[manuel_moe_g]

tell the 8-year-old that lives inside me: you are good, you are resourceful, you are persistent, and you are aware

my 8-year-old that lives inside me: adults are never sorry, they never say "sorry" when bad things happen to that little 8-year-old

three things: [1] more self-compassion, less self-hate [2] room to fall down, room to fail, not seeing either as a moral failing [3] we are honest with the inner-eight-year-old, we are truly sorry towards the inner-eight-year-old that bad things happened to him, totally new experience for that eight-year-old that adults are capable of honesty and being sorry

[snoringdog]

Hello Manny,

This made me remember the time long ago, while hanging around the Catholic school playground by myself, being struck by the fact that "I'm eight years old!"

Not sure why that impressed me at the time, but it did.... Really thought about it for awhile

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

Not sure if this is relevant.

Sometimes adults will struggle to tell the truth at an eight year old level. Adults often try to tell a version of the truth that is intended to somewhat protect the eight year old. This can backfire and certainly make assumptions about the eight year old that are inaccurate or insensitive.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Beany!

it was my lived experience of being 8 years old in the late 70's that my parents really didn't concern themselves with being truthful to me and with sympathizing with me, and they never expressed "sorry" for the bad things that would happen to me

it was my responsibility to gather the truth as best an eight-year-old can, and make sense of when bad things would happen. i had to do it, because nobody was going to do it for me

so i try to be a truthful and sympathetic adult now to that eight-year-old inner-child that lives inside of me now.

[manuel_moe_g]

trying something new

the "bad" things i do, i blame on my inner challenges and challenges of my environment

the "good" things i do, i give myself full credit for them

my habit in the past was to blame myself for all the "bad' things i would do

my habit in the past was to never give myself credit for the "good" things i would do

that habit has not served me well, it just depresses and demoralizes me

i will try this new system, and see what happens

already i feel a lightness in my step

[manuel_moe_g]

I am really scared about how little work I have been able to do lately, some really scary deadlines are coming up, indulging in revenge procrastination, it seems like my time does not belong to me for the most part

I am trying to get comfortable with some degree of failure, because if I totally panic I usually break down, and that accomplishes nothing

i will try to just take things in pieces where i can, and forgive myself, and not give in to self-hatred, which also doesn't end up serving me, because i just break down

[manuel_moe_g]

If I wasn’t on depression meds, I would be able to have a nice cry now

[Beany Boo]

If my own experience is relatable,

There’s two… deeds let’s call them.

There’s overcoming an oncoming failure impossible to avoid.

Then confused with that,

Surviving a… ‘memorial’ failure impossible to reverse.

From my own experience, the first step is taking a more accurate amount of responsibility. ‘More accurate’ is much less than I had been carrying. It’s like, if I want to travel, travel light; with only my own stuff. It’s not unbearable to see others pick up and carry theirs. Or even to sometimes carry me. Or take turns.

(Not an expert; just a meddler)

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Beany, I feel seen

today was not a great day for feeling seen, and your response put a smile on my face

all the best!

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM