My memorial day weekend plans: reflecting on midlife crisis.

[oak]

Memorial Day weekend: pulling back, to reflect on midlife crisis
Shoutout to RiverGirl
Barre and grocery store on Sunday morning, otherwise pulling back for three days
Tacos, and especially exploring lime juice

Memorial Day weekend: pulling back, to reflect on midlife crisis

Friends, those six months of Covid lockdown taught me the value of pausing, pulling back, not-being.

I am going to skim/review my trifecta of influential books, all of which touch on midlife crises and finding meaning: The Seasons of a Man's Life, Iron John, and Man's Search for Meaning.

I am also going to play video games and watch Hallmark movies, so it isn't all dour.

Shoutout to RiverGirl

I know weekends are difficult for our good friend RiverGirl, and doubly so for long holiday weekends.

I send experience/strength/hope, RiverGirl!

Barre and grocery store on Sunday morning, otherwise pulling back for three days

Tomorrow, Sunday, I intend to go to barre and the grocery store. Otherwise, I am pulling into myself for these three days.

Tacos, and especially exploring lime juice

My palate continues to evolve.

Lately I've become fascinated with what I call "fresh Mexican".

I am experimenting with lime juice on tacos.

I can hardly wait to wake up tomorrow so I can go to the grocery store to try these wonderful ingredients: I am paycheck to paycheck, but a very rich man in peppers, onions, and lime.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Do you have soft tacos or the hard shell ones?

We have a long weekend coming the following weekend. Currently learning to take it as it comes.

Reflecting is good, just don’t reflect for longer than one needs.

[oak]

Do you have soft tacos or the hard shell ones?

Yes! All of the above: hard shells, toastados, soft flour, and soft corn. Right now I'm in a soft corn mood.

We have a long weekend coming the following weekend. Currently learning to take it as it comes.

Hang on in the meantime, my friend. And don't be afraid to, like me, take a hard look at yourself during the long weekend.

Reflecting is good, just don’t reflect for longer than one needs.

Word.

I took this advice to heart, Mental Fairy, and instead of the books I took a frank assessment of what I want out of life, while driving back from barre.

And that is what my midlife crisis means to me: what and who is (1) unsatisfactory and must be left behind and (2) what is the future-me I want, and what do I need to change?

I can't do both (1) and (2). I'm going to leave a lot of people behind: many Americans (perhaps a third?) are filled with rage. I have a barre-centric future to get to, and I can't cosign someone's rage.

Just the act of asking "How will I live a barre-centric late 2023" answers many questions.

[rivergirl]

Hello Oak,

Thank you for sharing your memorial day weekend with us. I hope along with the reflection that you continue to find some enjoyable moments today and tomorrow. I'm glad you made it to your barre class. Did you get a chance to experiment with the limes? I hope you'll post further updates this weekend if you feel like sharing (about anything at all, although I do find limes to be an especially compelling fruit).

Also, thank you for the shout out. About two weeks ago I had to call paramedics to take my mom to the hospital, and after being discharged a week ago she is not doing well and my brother is at the emergency room with her now. I'll see her later today if possible. I'm doing better than I thought I would, but it feels like I've been running on the adrenaline of being at the hospital, work, taking care of her home & cat, etc. and may be headed for an emotional crash.

I'll join you in taking Mental Fairy's advice (shout out to MF!) Sometimes the past is too fraught to spend too much time there.

Wishing anyone who reads this message whatever you need most to get through this weekend.

rivergirl

[manuel_moe_g]

Wishing the very best to you and yours, RiverGirl

And wishing you strength

[Mental Fairy]

Couldn’t have said it better myself team.

We are here for each other and that matters. I would be in each one of your kitchens if I could whipping up a feast to take the load off but sadly oceans part us.

In the meantime let’s continue onwards and upwards with the occasional glance in the rare view mirror to remind us of how far we have come.

Hugs to you all and I really mean that more today than ever, it’s been tough.

[oak]

Thank you Mental Fairy and Manuel Moe. It is great to hear from you. I hope you're both doing well.

I'm glad you made it to your barre class. Did you get a chance to experiment with the limes? I hope you'll post further updates this weekend if you feel like sharing (about anything at all, although I do find limes to be an especially compelling fruit).

RiverGirl, I got noticed at barre yesterday. And I don't have the language for this, but two years of kettlebell and six months of barre has turned my shoulders "beefy". Or wide. I have a subtle "V" shape torso.

And yes, the lime was great on the chicken tacos.

We have a whole world of experience, in this modern world, including expanding our palate and finding new ways to enjoy old tastes.

Letter to myself from a year ago
Midlife crisis: exiting an old, satisfactory life

Friends!

Letter to myself from a year ago

Each Memorial Day I write a letter to my next-year self, and keep it in Google Drive. Here are my 2022 goals, in regular font, with 2023 updates in italics.

Have sleep apnea well behind me, permanently: unfortunately, no. See today's update in another thread.
Dating: unfortunately no.
Continued fitness: an unqualified success. I was open to new ideas (eg barre) and above all persisted at fitness.
Professional and financial success: no to both, but I didn't experience any catastrophes, so I hope I can turn around both of these this summer.
Swing dancing frequently: not much, but this was due more to bad luck.
Having made a decision, based on principles and values, about where to live: [various towns in my state]: a major goal for this next year.

Midlife crisis: exiting an old, satisfactory life

Taking your all's advice, I peered briefly into the abyss that is a midlife crisis.

I fully experienced it, briefly, then scooted back.

I think my midlife crisis experience, as much as it has profoundly been no fun, is to sweep away the old, unsatisfactory life. Especially considering my mortality: decline and death is inevitable. I can make more of what I have.

More fun, more dating, more travel, and yes more meaningful work that is of more service to society.

[Mental Fairy]

Moving forward is the most important, reflection to be done in a limited time frame or your will spin your wheels.