YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hi friends.

My main specialist for sleep apnea is a neurologist. She is an excellent doctor.

Appointment Anxiety

Lately, I've had sometimes spotty short-term memory: "tip of tongue", walking into a room and forgetting why I did so.

Not uncommon for men in their late 40s.

Still, I want to get this all out. The main lesson of my ongoing midlife crisis is that I will decline and I will die someday.

This appointment has filled me with anxiety for weeks: not only because of the spotty memory, but because (1) try as I might I couldn't habituate the CPAP and (2) my weight has plateaued.

I also happen to have an appointment with my nutritionist immediately afterwards: yes, discussing cognitive decline then discussing food. How many triggers and anxieties can I fit into one day?

That said...

A New Lease on Life

As our good friend Mental Fairy can attest, at age 46 patients sometimes must hear catastrophic news. I recognize that could happen Wednesday, and if it does I'll post here and we'll stick together.

If it is not catastrophic news, then now that I am six months into this hellish midlife crisis, it feels like a natural time to have a new excitement, a new lease on life.

A brush with death, or its close cousin decline in this case, is often all that a person needs to find a new reason to live.

I'll post a bookend after the appointments, and then later on this week: I have three days off, for the rare five-day weekend.

During this time off, I can (1) assess what I was told at Wednesday's appointments and (2) begin effecting preliminary actions to improve my situation.

Friends!

The appointments with the neurologist and nutritionist went great, and I have a new lease on life (in large part thanks to Mental Fairy).

The appointments

My neurologist, dietician, and I are all of one mind: while all sleep apnea is very serious, I am clearly in a mild form of it. We have a clear path forward regarding options and actions I can begin effecting immediately.

We recognize the seriousness and already-incurred cost, and have every reason for hope for the future.

Mental Fairy and her patients have given me perspective on effecting a new lease on life

I am very aware, thanks to our good friend Mental Fairy, that many 40-somethings do not walk away from neurologist's appointments for serious conditions and go back to work, drive, and enjoy yoga. I did each of the those, with gratitude, after yesterday's appointments.

I've been given a second chance at life, and I think Mental Fairy and her patients would want me to make the most of it: forgive and forget, do better at work, eat better, and invite out the pretty woman giving unambiguously clear signals at pickleball.

Going forward

I have a five-day weekend, so I will post here about a few thoughts about this new life (probably: eat better, do better at work, forgive/forget, and date).

In the meantime, thank you for standing by me

You got this Oak, dust off those knees and stand tall my friend.

Yesterday I ripped into a so called friend who said I am to dedicated to my work because I go in early and sometimes leave late. I had to remind them that if there family member was sick and needed care wouldn’t you want someone who commits to their duty of care to help them, or do you want someone who worries about their nails and when their next coffee break is.

That shut them up