Difficult reality to face: changing my life's orientation from survival.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Using my words is scary, so here goes:

Yesterday I took a half day and had a good, and frank conversation with my primary care provider. More about that soon.

Later, after a few hours of work, I went to pickleball.

Being sporty and around someone very attractive brought a difficult reality into my face:

Since getting sober, 15 years ago last month, my main daily/weekly/monthly goal has been to survive. And that is a valid way to live!

Yet seeing this other side of life, at pickleball, I realize that "what got me here won't get me there".

I'm not being as clear as I'd like, but these are scary truths and realities to face. Some people never face these scary truths.

I'll post more soon, including about my appointment, but for now this is all I can handle: life is demanding something new from me, going forward.

[Mental Fairy]

15 years is amazing. You have inner strength and don’t give yourself enough credit.

[snoringdog]

15 years is amazing. You have inner strength and don’t give yourself enough credit.

In full agreement with this!

for now this is all I can handle: life is demanding something new from me, going forward.

Isn't that the same for all of us, in different ways?

But you are engaging with it (life), on the board here, and IRL.
Don't overthink it, just go!

(Says the pot to the kettle )

[oak]

15 years is amazing. You have inner strength and don’t give yourself enough credit.

Well said, Mental Fairy. I don't appreciate my sobriety a tenth as I should. I know many people whose fondest wish, their most ardent prayer, would be for their loved one to get sober; and I've been given sobriety so generously. How rich we are!

But you are engaging with it (life), on the board here, and IRL.
Don't overthink it, just go!

Thanks, SnoringDog! I actually did so, yesterday:

I took fifteen minutes each to practice guitar, declutter my apartment, and journal.

Each of these are very scary to effect.

btw, I am learning a fingerpicking classical music song on guitar, Adagio by van Call. If I get considerably better/more practiced, I'll post a recording here.

Bigger picture: eventually I want to take someone to the town square (think Hallmark movie town square) at sunset and play for them. Posting here first is a smaller goal, a goal that gives me hope and is achievable.