Mental health: living according to values and principles: 2017 and now.

[troebia]

I want to pick myself up, this week, and begin my life anew. I can't keep living like this, my friends.

Oak, with all that you share here I believe you have already started your journey to something better. Have you started looking for another job? Or maybe just begin with web searches. Am I right to assume you're not bound by property or family to the area where you live now? That would make it much easier to "begin anew" with different surroundings and a new occupation. These are only parts of a whole of course, since we take with us our emotional baggage wherever we go.

[oak]

Troebia, hello. I hope you, your art, and your plants are doing well. Photos of peppers and tomatoes are always welcome. Such beautiful fruit.

Oak, with all that you share here I believe you have already started your journey to something better. Have you started looking for another job?

Thank you for your encouragement.

Since posting, I've scheduled a Zoom interview for Wednesday.

While this position would get me out of my commute/bad neighborhood nightmare, the pay is considerably lower, and I am already perilously past paycheck-to-paycheck into working poverty.

The more important issue, much as I appreciate them willing to talk with me Wednesday, is expanding my mental horizons. Habit/inertia/ruts can be broken by talking to new people.

And yes, long term (eg early 2024 is "long term" for the mishegas that is my 2023), I do hope to begin anew. Around a better, different, or at least new set of people. Especially, as you astutely noted, I have nothing tying me to my current location/situation.

[oak]

Hi friends.

My supervisor and I got it all out yesterday: in this work situation we both wanted the same thing, and were hampered by a lack of timely, clear communication. So no one wanted to do the wrong thing.

Note that I said “we got it all out”, and not “solved the underlying issues” or “this will be the last I hear of this”.

Sometimes a something approximating a win in middle adulthood is not compromising one’s ethics.

We had good, clear communication… eventually.

All’s well that ends well (well, more or less “well”).

Two takeaways:

1. I am glad I lived according to my values I articulated in 2017.

2. I want to pick myself up, after this hellish week and exhausting 2023 (2023 has been the longest decade of my life).

Being objective, I don’t think I’m being overly harsh on myself to say I am fat, broke, and lonely. I am struggling with my weight (sleep apnea), finances, and dating/friends. These are facts, and pretending they aren’t my reality won’t help me. Neither will wallowing, which leads me to…

It might be better to say, to admit to myself, that I am in love with someone, and the time to start making better choices is today.

[troebia]

Oak, you sound so much more "together" now.

I'd only like to say, cherish the little advances, the small steps forward more than wanting and expecting great leaps. For example in the garden today, I was clearing out some dead plants and under the weeds I found two small oregano plants that have survived somehow since spring. The perfume of the leaves made me almost cry with joy.

You are in love?? Tell us more...

[oak]

Troebia, good to hear from you. I am glad your oregano survived. I like how the slight bitterness, be it oregano or thyme, balances many flavors. So good.

You are in love?? Tell us more...

Since you ask: she is smart, educated, ambitious, a go-getter, kind, and beautiful. A pelaroja linda (beautiful redhead).

I know she was interested in me, or at least noticed me, fairly recently, and time is passing.

If I want to try to win her, to put my best foot forward, I'll have to do what I should have been doing all along, stuff I've been working on in a desultory fashion: finances, fitness, socializing are the big ones.

There's lots more I could say, but if I want to make a good impression then now/today/soon/ is a good time to get moving. I have a reason to live, to try to do better.

[oak]

Friends, none of you may be surprised to hear, as a sad but expected coda:

The people who didn't follow the procedures never submitted the report.

I received a proper request from the proper person the other day, for the exact same information, and promptly sent it because they followed the rules.

We went through all of that, the awful mishegas of the first page of this thread, for nothing.

Said another way: I was ready to quit, because it was an exact replay of my 2017 experience. And if it happens again in my career, I'll be all the more certain.

It is not worth it.

Bigger picture

Friends, I have a bit of a new lease on life in the last ten days.

I have the same old problems, and a bit of hope, a bit of fight in me.

I can't explain it, but I have a bit of zest.

Edit to add:

This week I checked in, to make sure we’re cool, with my apartment manager and work supervisor. I am in their good graces, so I have a foundation of stable living and income, at least for the moment.

When one is fairly sure of a roof over one’s head and a regular paycheck, one can relax and focus on the other threats to one’s peace and security (sleep apnea, dating, and longer term professional/financial success, in my case).

In the meantime I’m relieved that I took the opportunity to check in with both of these important people this week.

[troebia]

Friends, I have a bit of a new lease on life in the last ten days.
I have the same old problems, and a bit of hope, a bit of fight in me.
I can't explain it, but I have a bit of zest.

I'm so glad to hear that, Oak, and must admit I feel some healthy envy

[Mental Fairy]

Well done Oak, great progress.

[oak]

Friends, I have a bit of a new lease on life in the last ten days.
I have the same old problems, and a bit of hope, a bit of fight in me.
I can't explain it, but I have a bit of zest.

I'm so glad to hear that, Oak, and must admit I feel some healthy envy

Troebia, I can offer you some questions to ask yourself, the same questions I ask myself that lead me to the experience above. Let me know.

[troebia]

Troebia, I can offer you some questions to ask yourself, the same questions I ask myself that lead me to the experience above. Let me know.

Of course, Oak, I'd like to try any kind of tool so please say.
I look at myself as from the outside and think, wtf? What is supposed to be a balanced life, anyway?