Father’s death.

[oak]

Friends, it went well as could be expected.

My mother and religious sister kindly acknowledged me, one sister gave me a brief side hug, and the remaining sister kindly invited me to a lunch after, which I politely declined.

Barring any stray, bitter texts/emails (which they've done before), I hope to not hear from them again. Excepting a similar situation should my elderly mother go.

In the end

In the end, I suppose, death was a merciful friend. He increasingly lost everything that made his life rich.

I know I need to get moving with doing my current job better, finding better work, dating, finances, and more.

But for now, I can grieve who he was, and who he could have been.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

I've been following, and I'm glad you got through it OK, without the drama you were afraid of.

Being an irrational romanticist (e.g. watch and love "A Christmas Carol" every year), I'd hope that after your father's passing there might be some sort of a rapprochement, but not knowing the history that's irrational of me, of course.

Keep us posted.

SD

[oak]

Hi SnoringDog. It is good to hear from you, and I hope your 2024 is off to a good start.

You are not irrational at all, SnoringDog: human connection is the most rational of all decisions. We crave connection, even if society and its ills get in between us.

Friends, the sun is setting right this minute, according to the National Weather Service.

It makes me so sad to think that my father is spending his first night cold, alone, and in the dark in that metal box.

That sorrow (understandable as it is) is not rational, of course: he can't sense anything.

But sometimes being human means being sentimental.

I feel so liminal and sad.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liminality

But I am eating, and looking forward to my regular Sunday habit of video games and listening to bluegrass, before I gratefully go back to work Monday. So continuity and change.

Part of me doesn't want time to pass, because I'll leave my father behind. I'll keep changing and moving forward, but he'll be "back there", static. Kind of a second death.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Three quick thoughts for Sunday:

1. One thing that bothers me about my father's funeral is the preacher they found: it was as if they found someone off Craigslist, gave him a post-it with three bullet points, and $50.

Partway through (the mercifully brief) blabbering, he stopped, as if resentful he had to talk about my actual father. He spent fifteen seconds talking about my father, and several minutes on this religious spiel. No reading the room at all. He obviously didn't care at all.

2. I have a to-do list for today, but if don't get any of it done, that's okay.

3. In addition to the fragility of good health and life itself, I am awed at the importance of having a support network.

Two seemingly-contradictory thoughts:

a. My friends in this forum, my few but loyal IRL friends, and my short-term counselor have provided me an excellent cushion from life, this week.

b. While keeping the friends listed in the previous sentence, next crisis I hope to have a bigger and deeper support network. We need all the friends we can get, in this life.

[troebia]

I am awed at the importance of having a support network.

I couldn't agree more, though I also know that there will be no help to be found from my family in the event of a crisis. I could walk into a bar and in half an hour I'd feel closer to the guy next to me than one of my brothers.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak, one foot in front of the other is all i can say.

[oak]

Thank you, Troebia and Mental Fairy.

I appreciate it.

Friends, I am feeling lonely and sad.

But I am using my words, and putting one foot in front of the other, as Mental Fairy suggests.

Thank you for standing by me.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Been feeling much the same over the last couple of days. More so because of health.
Hang in there my friend. Let the body sleep if you feel you need rest. Grief is exhausting.

[manuel_moe_g]

I hate that you feel lonely and sad, Oak

you deserve so much better

i have strong opinions on how you can fix this, based on my autobiography, but i know that the journey is different for everyone, and how conceited to blather on based on one's own autobiography and attempt to prescribe actions to someone who is really suffering

i acknowledge you and your pain, and know that i am wishing and praying strongly for your pain to lift from your shoulders soon

[troebia]

I'm still grieving our last dog that died more than I ever felt my father's death. Your mileage may vary. In essence, a person who never could give true affection is easily forgotten.