YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

i have depression, ADHD, Autism

i can't be who my wife needs me to be, particularly because of my ADHD

i am sad

also, the way that my wife regulates herself mentally is by abusing me into a "one-down" position

my daughter is not my biological daughter, so this relationship link, which is the most important in my life, is only through my relationship with my wife

it is not a great situation

i disregarded early red-flags with my wife probably because my self-worth and self-respect was impossibly low

oh well, the triumph of my life is that i am still alive, and i <am> still alive, i get knocked down and i always get up again

manuel_moe_g wrote: ↑March 9th, 2024, 4:53 am the way that my wife regulates herself mentally is by abusing me into a "one-down" position

When we have lived like this for years, we dream of being free. Not to be ourselves in the "one-up" position, but having the power to decide and to do without always being overshadowed. I propose small acts of rebellion:

• Disappearing for some hours and refusing to give an exact account of our actions and whereabouts: "oh, I just went downtown for a while."
• Buying some clothes without "asking for permission".
• Reading a book without mentioning anything about it to our partner.
• Starting a daily exercise routine without mentioning anything.
• Taking up a small new hobby, idem: we don't talk about it and when/if asked we say "oh, it simply interests me".

Ohhh this is great advice. Little acts of self power. Independence in a bubble. A bubble no one else can penetrate or pop. Even popping out to explore new places and take photos to have an image memory bank of your little outings. Reflecting back on them with pride.