YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Should i work on my social anxiety before i start trying to make friends? My anxiety makes it so hard for me to make friends but i do have a couple now but want to start making more. I think for right now i should focus on my anxiety and myself and the friends i do have. What do you think and what do you think i should do? If you have and tips on anxiety and making it better that would be good. Also if this matters i have a therapist and i am taking medicine.

Michena,

I think you should always work on your social anxiety but don't pinpoint that particular type of accomplishment as an automatic prerequisite for making friends. Especially because good friends are going to like you no matter what. They don't care about your social anxiety (unless it was seriously damaging to you), they care about YOU. Hell, don't even look at it as "making friends". Friends attract to one another. Your true buddies are out there, you just got to buzz by them. I have ridiculous social anxiety but I have some good friends to go along with it. They accept that as a part of me and would help me if I allowed it. I think some of them even love me a little for it, which is strange, but that's one of the beauties of having good friends. I say work on what you know you need to, but remember that your true friends are just going to love the hell out of you anyways. I know it's hard, but try not to let the anxiety win in that manner as well.

I guess you do really need to work with your social anxiety first...! So that you'll never find it hard to make friends.

Social anxiety is a strange animal. I've been dealing it with for over 20 years now, and I'm afraid I don't have any ready answers for you. I think the root of it, at least for me, is self-esteem. Feeling like you deserve friends, you deserve to be treated well, you deserve to have your opinion heard and have someone be there for you. The right people will understand how to deal with that, to be close when you want and give you your space when you don't. And honestly, it's hard to make friends once you're out of school because you have so many other responsibilities and demands on your time. But if there's a club you'd like to join or an activity you've always wanted to try, make the leap and you might make a friend. At least you'll prove to yourself that you can step outside your comfort zone and not get your foot caught in a bear trap. Good luck, and good hunting!