YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I feel like sometimes once people know the truth about me and my depression/anxiety that it almost kills the little motivation I had to begin with. Keeping up appearances was like the only thing I had that sometimes got me out of bed. I need constant attention/praise/encouragement if I'm going to get through something, but who can really coddle me? And worse yet, I'm always committing to stuff even though I can never predict how I'm going to feel when it comes around to actually doing it. On top of that I feel like I keep getting sick but I don't know if it's in my head or a virus or what.

I only seem to feel good for about 2 weeks max and then I feel like crap again. What is up with that? How can I break the cycle? I've been going to therapy and I've been trying out medication...what else can I be doing?

This happens to me. Do you ever feel like you tell someone you are doing better, and then shortly after you feel anxious/depressed again. And its like really? Did I jinx myself? Was I just faking it, and it was never better? I thought it was better. Maybe that is just me. I do that committing thing to, about stuff. Then later, I am like damn I didn't want to do that. It is always that "it seemed like a good idea at the time thing". How are things with your therapist? What is their approach to therapy? I find sometimes people stick with therapist that is not helping them for too long. Possibly cause approach isn't best suited for you, or connection isn't great. Maybe meds take sometimes to kick in. Either way, sometimes you can be doing everything right, and your body/mind just need time to catch up? Just keep on keeping on.

Wow I completely empathize with that.I remember the first time I told my friends what was really going on. I was drunk so I didn't really explain it very well but the words depression and anxiety disorder were coherent enough. Before that I've felt like I was a zombie masquerading as a person, after they found out I felt like I couldn't act happy and okay anymore. Like why act when they know you are lying. But turns out everyone just appreciates that I'm trying to get better, it wouldn't help if I just sat there and stared at the wall like I want to. At least I'm trying.

And I live in fear of the depression suddenly crashing down on me and washing my sanity and progress away. It's hard for me to commit to stuff too like even simple ones like dinner because I start to get anxious and think what if the depression suddenly gets worse half way through and I have to go through the whole thing like a mute unsmiling statue. But the more I participate and commit, the less I fear it because I have all these other memories to challenge the negative ones, my head has made up.

And as for the praise and attention, sometimes I feel like people don't see how hard I'm trying or how far I've come because they don't tell me straightway or often. But sometimes people are thinking it and not saying it out loud. Like when I stopped binging on alcohol at parties, I thought no one noticed because no one praise me for it. 6 months later my friend pointed it out and said she's noticed all along and she really appreciates it.

I've just started on prozac and it seems to be working although the effectiveness fluctuates. What worked for me to break the cycle *its not completely gone but it's getting there) is the medication, but it took time. And also exercising on those weeks where I don't feel good again. There was this thing on the podcast where someone mentioned free form writing I do that a lot and when I'm on my bad weeks I also read what I wrote on my good weeks and that seems to give me a happy vibe that I try to keep alive the rest of the day.

I really hope this helps, and I've not wasted your time. I just really connected with your post and I feel less disconnected, thank you so much.

heart wrote:And as for the praise and attention, sometimes I feel like people don't see how hard I'm trying or how far I've come because they don't tell me straightway or often. But sometimes people are thinking it and not saying it out loud. Like when I stopped binging on alcohol at parties, I thought no one noticed because no one praise me for it. 6 months later my friend pointed it out and said she's noticed all along and she really appreciates it.

This is awesome validation from a friend! I am so happy for you!

Take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for your greatest today and tomorrow!