I realized some time ago that my OK is not even close to other people's OK. And by other people I mean folks who don't have to take a handful of pills every morning to keep the Suicide Fairy at bay.
So I feel OK but I realize that what I'm going through right now is another person's Worst Day Ever.
I haven't thought about suicide all day. I apologized to my wife for being a dick. I planned a weekend solo camping trip. I cried like a baby - and trust me, I'm 48 years old and that is NOT attractive. I walked to the end of the driveway and brought a glass of lemonade from a stand my daughters and some of their friends set up. Then I cried again.
So just your normal day in the happy world of Bipolar II.
I really REALLY need my wife to walk over here to where I'm typing this and give me a long hug. A really long, warm and hug. The kind that make you feel warm and loved and happy to be alive and feel another person's body and warmth pressed up against you and embracing you. Even in a non-sexual way.
But I've been such an ass lately I really don't think that's in the cards. She's over there, sitting on the couch and playing Scrabble on Facebook and ignoring me. Which I deserve.
Just OK
-
manuel_moe_g
- Posts: 3287
- Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 9:04 am
- Gender: Male
- Issues: Depression, Anxiety
- preferred pronoun: he
- Location: Orange County, CA
- Contact:
Re: Just OK
Hello meh! Welcome to the forum.
I know this lonely feeling, when your neediness is very inconvenient for everyone else in your life. It sucks. I usually just end up being alone writing in journal. I wish you the best, you don't deserve this suffering.
I know this lonely feeling, when your neediness is very inconvenient for everyone else in your life. It sucks. I usually just end up being alone writing in journal. I wish you the best, you don't deserve this suffering.
~~~~~~
http://www.reddit.com/r/obsequious_thumbtack -- Obsequious Thumbtack Headdress
http://www.reddit.com/r/obsequious_thumbtack -- Obsequious Thumbtack Headdress
-
Stina
- Posts: 97
- Joined: June 25th, 2012, 6:44 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Avoidant PD, Generalized Anxiety, Persistent Depression, Social Anxiety
- preferred pronoun: She
- Location: Los Angeles, CA
Re: Just OK
Oh, meh. *sigh* So sad and yet... There are glimmers of hope there. Don't lose sight of them! (I love that you went down to the lemonade stand.)
Are you familiar with Marya Hornbacher (http://www.maryahornbacher.com/home.html)? I recently finished Madness, which was her stunning account of rapid-cycle II bipolar. I only have boring old major depression, so it was utterly fascinating to read her story with both sides of the spectrum. I can't imagine. You might find some comfort in reading her story.
Take care of yourself. As Paul reminds us every week, you're definitely not alone!
Are you familiar with Marya Hornbacher (http://www.maryahornbacher.com/home.html)? I recently finished Madness, which was her stunning account of rapid-cycle II bipolar. I only have boring old major depression, so it was utterly fascinating to read her story with both sides of the spectrum. I can't imagine. You might find some comfort in reading her story.
Take care of yourself. As Paul reminds us every week, you're definitely not alone!
~~~ Kristina ~~~
weird and broken
weird and broken
-
meh
- Posts: 225
- Joined: July 10th, 2012, 6:47 am
- Gender: male
- Issues: Bipolar, depression, general all around ick
- preferred pronoun: That
Re: Just OK
Thanks... and I know that depression is anything but boring.
"Of course you have an active inner life, you're bipolar"
my therapist.
my therapist.
-
Stina
- Posts: 97
- Joined: June 25th, 2012, 6:44 pm
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Avoidant PD, Generalized Anxiety, Persistent Depression, Social Anxiety
- preferred pronoun: She
- Location: Los Angeles, CA
Re: Just OK
Me too. I was just being silly.and I know that depression is anything but boring.
Seeing your post again has me craving some lemonade!
~~~ Kristina ~~~
weird and broken
weird and broken