Just OK
Posted: July 11th, 2012, 6:24 pm
I realized some time ago that my OK is not even close to other people's OK. And by other people I mean folks who don't have to take a handful of pills every morning to keep the Suicide Fairy at bay.
So I feel OK but I realize that what I'm going through right now is another person's Worst Day Ever.
I haven't thought about suicide all day. I apologized to my wife for being a dick. I planned a weekend solo camping trip. I cried like a baby - and trust me, I'm 48 years old and that is NOT attractive. I walked to the end of the driveway and brought a glass of lemonade from a stand my daughters and some of their friends set up. Then I cried again.
So just your normal day in the happy world of Bipolar II.
I really REALLY need my wife to walk over here to where I'm typing this and give me a long hug. A really long, warm and hug. The kind that make you feel warm and loved and happy to be alive and feel another person's body and warmth pressed up against you and embracing you. Even in a non-sexual way.
But I've been such an ass lately I really don't think that's in the cards. She's over there, sitting on the couch and playing Scrabble on Facebook and ignoring me. Which I deserve.
So I feel OK but I realize that what I'm going through right now is another person's Worst Day Ever.
I haven't thought about suicide all day. I apologized to my wife for being a dick. I planned a weekend solo camping trip. I cried like a baby - and trust me, I'm 48 years old and that is NOT attractive. I walked to the end of the driveway and brought a glass of lemonade from a stand my daughters and some of their friends set up. Then I cried again.
So just your normal day in the happy world of Bipolar II.
I really REALLY need my wife to walk over here to where I'm typing this and give me a long hug. A really long, warm and hug. The kind that make you feel warm and loved and happy to be alive and feel another person's body and warmth pressed up against you and embracing you. Even in a non-sexual way.
But I've been such an ass lately I really don't think that's in the cards. She's over there, sitting on the couch and playing Scrabble on Facebook and ignoring me. Which I deserve.