Tired
Posted: July 14th, 2012, 11:00 am
I'm always tired, I don't sleep well. After looking it up I technically have insomnia caused by chronic pain. i have a skin disease that makes finding a comfortable sleeping position difficult. Motion hurts, different resting positions hurt, something always hurts.
Outside of being tired, I have a wavering anxiety that has been a new development as of the past few months. An example, my professor set it up so I could meet with an artist friend of his and we could talk about comics and i could show her my art work. i went to bed thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable and the only times I calmed down were when i was distracted by watching some inane television shows but as i drove over I was pretty much prepared to just sit in my car freaking out not knowing what would happen or what was expected of me. I was worried she wouldn't like me, or what we'd talk about. I was anxious just thinking about this meeting and then I met her and everything was fine. We hit it off well and my fear left and I was right as rain.
I was fine until I had a meeting with a surgeon about my skin disease and i started freaking out again. It was to just show him what was going on with it and talk a little about prospective plans on fixing things and i've met with him before, but sitting in the room covered with a sheet and gown i was freaking out trying to calm down again.
At this exact point in time I'm kind of just feeling blank. i'm not anticipating anything so I'm not really planning much. There's a little bit of guilt in not drawing anything much yesterday or today. One of the most recent things i did was a small abstract thing for a show and tell that I gave to my friend throwing it. show and tell is kind of like going to a house party where a lot of bands play one or two songs, but there's also a dude who does yoyo tricks and someone else does spoken word. It's an at house party open mic night.
Sometimes I cover small sheets of paper with these line designs. I started doing them when i was depressed in high school, it took me until last year to embrace them and to like making them and have them be something I think more about and not just a way to pass the time and think relatively minimally.
Outside of being tired, I have a wavering anxiety that has been a new development as of the past few months. An example, my professor set it up so I could meet with an artist friend of his and we could talk about comics and i could show her my art work. i went to bed thinking about it and feeling uncomfortable and the only times I calmed down were when i was distracted by watching some inane television shows but as i drove over I was pretty much prepared to just sit in my car freaking out not knowing what would happen or what was expected of me. I was worried she wouldn't like me, or what we'd talk about. I was anxious just thinking about this meeting and then I met her and everything was fine. We hit it off well and my fear left and I was right as rain.
I was fine until I had a meeting with a surgeon about my skin disease and i started freaking out again. It was to just show him what was going on with it and talk a little about prospective plans on fixing things and i've met with him before, but sitting in the room covered with a sheet and gown i was freaking out trying to calm down again.
At this exact point in time I'm kind of just feeling blank. i'm not anticipating anything so I'm not really planning much. There's a little bit of guilt in not drawing anything much yesterday or today. One of the most recent things i did was a small abstract thing for a show and tell that I gave to my friend throwing it. show and tell is kind of like going to a house party where a lot of bands play one or two songs, but there's also a dude who does yoyo tricks and someone else does spoken word. It's an at house party open mic night.
Sometimes I cover small sheets of paper with these line designs. I started doing them when i was depressed in high school, it took me until last year to embrace them and to like making them and have them be something I think more about and not just a way to pass the time and think relatively minimally.
