In a Strange Kind of Stasis
Posted: September 5th, 2012, 9:44 pm
Hi, y'all,
I'm a creative type, with fairly difficult anxiety and depression problems. I'm in a new city, freelancing for the first time (been a staff worker forever until I moved here). My working life now involves a giant amount of "work for exposure," gladhanding of high-powered people, and more hustle than I've ever had to do. This is not an easy life for a socially anxious, awkward, self-loathing sort of person.
I'm constantly passing up opportunities due to self-doubt, and sticking with useless projects out of a lack of self-respect. Now, I find myself glued to the computer, like a drug, just whiling away the hours with my brain disconnected, inwardly cowering in fear. When I am able to will myself to work, I love the stuff I make, and the more I do it, the better I feel. Still, when the next day rolls around, I once again face the fear, doubt, and poor self-image, and the decision to do just about *anything* becomes something I have little choice in.
I need to kick some ass if I'm going to survive, and to do that, I need a change of mindset, 'cause no matter how mindful I seem to be of this one, it's causing some serious damage to my life. I just hope for stronger days and try to stay social (which is hard).
I am in therapy, and it's helped a lot, but I'm not finding traction in it with this issue at the moment.
Anyway, love the show and the forum, just felt like sharing.
I'm a creative type, with fairly difficult anxiety and depression problems. I'm in a new city, freelancing for the first time (been a staff worker forever until I moved here). My working life now involves a giant amount of "work for exposure," gladhanding of high-powered people, and more hustle than I've ever had to do. This is not an easy life for a socially anxious, awkward, self-loathing sort of person.
I'm constantly passing up opportunities due to self-doubt, and sticking with useless projects out of a lack of self-respect. Now, I find myself glued to the computer, like a drug, just whiling away the hours with my brain disconnected, inwardly cowering in fear. When I am able to will myself to work, I love the stuff I make, and the more I do it, the better I feel. Still, when the next day rolls around, I once again face the fear, doubt, and poor self-image, and the decision to do just about *anything* becomes something I have little choice in.
I need to kick some ass if I'm going to survive, and to do that, I need a change of mindset, 'cause no matter how mindful I seem to be of this one, it's causing some serious damage to my life. I just hope for stronger days and try to stay social (which is hard).
I am in therapy, and it's helped a lot, but I'm not finding traction in it with this issue at the moment.
Anyway, love the show and the forum, just felt like sharing.